The Sanguine Virtuoso's
by Breath-of-twilight
Summary: Edward returns to Forks High for his reunion a renowned musician, finally ready to face his past. The ppl who ridiculed him and the girl he always wanted, who rejected him. His mantra - How do you like me now?
1. Chapter 1

**Name of story: ****The Sanguine Virtuoso's.**

**Pen name: Breath-of-twilight**

**Song story is inspired by: How do you like me now?**

**Artist: Toby Keith **

**Main Pairing: Bella/ Edward**

**POV: EPOV**

"Are you nervous about going back for the reunion?" My amazing girlfriend asked as she tossed item after item from the closet, grumbling about not having anything to wear to the reunion.

It had been ten years since we had graduated from Forks High and were sent off into the great unknown to find ourselves. I had gotten into Julliard, a renowned music school and couldn't be happier. Moving that far away from the ghosts of high school past worked perfectly for me. Well… until I opened my clouded eyes and _really_ saw, _her_.

But that's getting a bit ahead of ourselves. Let me go all the way back to high school. Back where it all began. Where a young man struggled to find himself and fit in amongst a world of cruelty and ignorance.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_12 years earlier…_

"Come on, Eddie, we're going to be late," my brother groaned from the doorway while glaring at me.

"One second, man. I can't find my picks anywhere," I growled, tossing this and that aside, frantically searching for the little green container I used to stash my beloved little plastic pieces.

"Ha, got it!" I scrambled out from under the bed, pumping my fists in the air as I bounded past Emmett's gorilla-like form. "'Bout friggin' time, too. I'm going to be late for practice." I rolled my eyes. Honestly, did nothing matter to him besides football and girls?

Not that I was one to talk, my life seemed to revolve around my music and maybe not 'girls' per se, but definitely one girl in particular.

As Emmett barreled out of the huge jeep directly towards the field and subsequently his girlfriend Rosalie, I veered the opposite way, towards my little group of geeky friends.

We were considered outcasts, by choice, of course.

Obviously, there was myself, a struggling musician slash brown-noser. I always had perfect grades and spent all of my spare time either in the music room or in my buddy, Jacob's, garage, jamming with him and some of the guys from La push.

Alice was a whirlwind of electric energy with a dark ominous look on the world, who wore the most expensive clothes one could buy, then splattered them with various shades of paints as she worked diligently on her latest abstract masterpiece. Alice had a wicked crush on Jasper Whitlock, my brother, Emmett's, best friend, and fellow jock extraordinaire. I didn't see that going anywhere, but kept my mouth shut. She was sure one day he would notice her, swearing they were star-crossed lovers or some lovey-dovey shit.

Eric Yorkie was on the student school paper. Not because he was a nerd, but because his passion for writing surpassed his desire to be popular or even to just fit in on the sidelines as a normal, everyday high school student. He was always working on some brilliant plotline for one of the many novels, I am sure, he would write and publish one day. I mean, the guy was brilliant, and the way he used words on paper was so eloquent and attention-grabbing. Any idiot with half a brain would read his work and enjoy it, too. Eric had a close to stalker-ish kind of crush on Angela, whom had no idea he even knew she was a girl, never mind one he wanted as more than a friend.

Angela Weber was mousy sort of girl, always trudging through the halls slouched over and hidden behind thick brimmed glasses and a sketch book. She could draw absolutely anything with the most precise and articulate detail, to the point her drawing actually caused one to hold their breath staring at the beauty and realism she captured with her extremely talented fingers and intense perception. Angela has a secret crush on Ben, which she doesn't hide from any of us, much to Eric's distain.

Ben Cheney was the oddball in our group. He was on the baseball team, and the popular kids actually liked him. Why he hung around with us was still a mystery to me, but I suspected it had something to do with the look he got on his face every time Angela Weber walked past him. Too bad the two of them were so clueless. I should really mention something to one of them and put them out of their un-needed misery.

Lastly, there was Bella. Bella didn't really have a specific thing she was into or good at. Unless you consider being the 'world's biggest klutz' a talent. Then she'd surely be the world's most renowned klutz, indeed. One rarely found her without her nose stuck in a book. She loved to read and was enthralled by many different kinds of books. She was completely convinced that in one of her many romance novels lies her destiny. Bella seemed to see the world much differently than the rest of us. She trusted everyone and hurt no one. She was kind and gentle with just a hint of a ferocious motherly lion glinting in her eyes. She would fight tooth and nail for the people she cared about and shocked the shit out of anyone she let her talons loose on.

If you knew our little group the way I did, you too would understand that I was the spunky trouble maker of the group. Alice was the bubbly, charismatic and optimistic one. Eric was the Visionary worrywart. Ben was inexplicably the oddball, there was just no better way to describe him unless you wanted to go all generic and just consider him the jock of the group. Angela was definitely the soul. Which left Bella, the true uplifting, caring, heart of the group.

Combined, we made one hell of a team, and apart we just merely existed. It had been this way since grade seven when Alice had decided the kind of friends we were deserved a name._ The Sanguine Virtuosos._

Poor Ben didn't even know what either word meant, never mind how to pronounce them properly, which was rather amusing, if I might say so. But Alice was a fury not to be reckoned with and proclaimed those words described us to a tee, so we left her be, and ever since, we all were adorned with logo'd shirts, school books, socks, jackets, pretty much anything Alice could get her shopping-mangled hands on. Very few of us wore said clothing or used the books and pencils but there were times they came in handy. Like when we all signed up together for the charity bake sale. Or, in my case, when I had to clean out the garage. But we'll keep that just between us. I'm thinking Alice wouldn't take so kindly to that tid-bit of information.

"Edward… earth to Edward." I was jarred from my thoughts by Alice's hand waving frantically in my face. I blinked rapidly as her little hand came up and smacked the side of my head. "What the hell, dip shit? You just put your muddy, filthy boot on my art pad."

I stumbled backwards and looked down at the colorful torn sheet still stuck to my mucky boot. Reaching down to pull it off, I mumbled out an apology and pulled up a piece of grass to continue my daydreaming on.

Alice mumbled and grumbled a bit more, before tossing me an apple and throwing a questioning look my way.

"What?" I shrugged, smiling innocently, "I wasn't paying attention, sorry."

"And I bet it had nothing to do with the fact that witless Blondie over there is jumping up and down like a fucking jack-in-the box, obviously not wearing a bra, right?"

I rolled my eyes at her and feigned indifference, straining every muscle in my body in a vain attempt to keep my eyes away from the sole object of my desires bouncing but a few feet away from us.

I huffed and gave up within seconds and went back to staring shamelessly as Lauren skipped, jumped and cheered her away across the field.

Just then, the warning bell went. I jumped up and practically ran to class and away from Alice's piercing glare. Even halfway across the courtyard, I could still feel her glaring a hole through the back of me.

I never understood her intense dislike for Lauren. But I guess if I were being honest, I'd admit I also was extremely biased. I had been borderline obsessed with Lauren since the beginning of the year. Even though she never gave me the time of day and looked-down on me and 'my kind' as she so eloquently put it.

"Hey, Eddie-kins. Think you can give me a hand here?" My heart stopped momentarily as I spun to find none other than Lauren herself smirking at me and holding a bag full of footballs. I nodded, my mouth still hanging slack and grabbed the heavy bag from her without a word out of my drooling mouth.

Lauren giggled and danced off down the hallway.

_You're such a fucking idiot_. I internally scolded myself while slogging down the hallway towards the utility closet, huffing and puffing the whole way there. _Man, I'm seriously out of shape, maybe I should start working out or even just running might do._

"You've got to be shitting me, man. You know she doesn't want anything to do with you. Why would you even ask?"

I huffed in irritation and annoyance. It had been days since Lauren had asked me help with the footballs and given me that sexy come-hither look that left me spluttering like a goddamn moron. I still had no idea how to woo her. Hell, I'd never even dated a girl before much less tried to seduce one. So, I went to the one person I never should have and the only person I could have. Emmett.

"Thanks, that's super supportive of you, bro," I snarled back at him, while he continued to stare at me disbelievingly.

"Seriously, Dude, what do you want me to say? You chose this life. You weren't always such an outsider, remember? I love you, bro, you know I do. But, realistically, if you think about it, you'd have to admit Lauren is the captain of the cheerleading squad, she isn't going to date a struggling guitarist slash pansy piano player." I knew Emmett held truth in his words, but still it didn't stop the teensy sting of hurt they instilled in me.

Just because I chose not to play baseball and pursued something that really, truly mattered to me instead was a bullshit reason to look down on someone. Hmmm… well, if that's how she truly felt, and if I couldn't get her attention doing nice things… _maybe_… I would have to try a different tactic.

-OOooOO-

"So, you'll never guess what the fuck happened to me on the weekend," I boomed in a rushed excited tone, the second Bella and Alice plopped down beside me on the lush grass in the courtyard.

Bella looked at me expectantly, coking her brow and waiting patiently for me to continue, while Alice just looked up at me curiously.

"What? What happened? Tell me… tell me… tell me. Does it have to do with your music? Have you heard back from Julliard? Holy shit, Edward, give a girl a break. I'm dying here, just spit it out." Alice started vibrating like the fucking energizer bunny on speed.

"My God, Alice, isn't it ever exhausting?"

"What? Isn't what exhausting?" Alice chirped with a confused look.

I chuckled in amusement, "Having that much energy and never once just slowing the hell down. Take a valium or some shit, Alice, before you vibrate yourself into an early grave." Alice scowled and gave me a look I knew I should be scared of but like the fool I am, it just caused me to laugh that much harder.

"What'd we miss?" Angela asked as she along with Ben and Eric came strolling up, taking in the scene before them with weary eyes.

"Nothing," Alice grumbled, but perked up almost instantly, "Edward has something he wants to share with us."

I rolled my eyes, "Thanks, Miss Romper room. I just love sharing time," I drawled playfully.

Alice stuck her pointy little tongue at me. "Real mature, Ally, real mature."

"Okay, enough already. Can you please just spit it out already, Edward? What the hell happened this weekend?" Bella barked, obviously annoyed with our antics.

"Yes, as I was saying. I was jamming with the guys this weekend, and you'll never guess who called…." I beat my hands in a drum roll against the side of my rucksack dramatically, "… Timmy T from 'The Circus Room'! They had a cancellation next weekend, and we were next on the list." I grinned ear to ear, waiting for their reactions.

Alice let out a high pitch squeal which caused me to clap my hands over my ears to stop the instant ringing. Bella jumped off the ground and wrapped her slender arms around me, "Oh, I am so happy for you, Edward. Jacob and Seth must be so stoked. Can I come and watch you guys play?"

"Oh, me too," Alice chirped.

"Of course, I'm in," Angela added, smiling brightly at me and sneaking a glance at Ben.

"But of course. It just wouldn't be the same without my leading ladies there." I wiggled my eyes suggestively, just playing with them. Angela smacked me in the back of the head, just the kind of reaction I expected. Alice snorted and rolled her eyes. So Alice-like. But Bella… Bella's reaction confused me. She blushed furiously and stared intently at her shuffling feet. What was up with that? Bella Swan actually looked fucking nervous.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The week leading up to the gig at The Circus Room was rather uneventful, at least for my standards.

I spent every night up in La Push practicing with Seth and Jacob. We were good, and we knew it; but we wanted to be great! This was our one big chance.

The Circus Room was not some slummy bar or two-bit joint. It was of stadium proportions and gathered a good crowd of up to a thousand people. Smaller bands, like us, tended to play there. But the local girls, from Forks all the way to Seattle, came to cheer on their hometown hotties in hopes that when and if they became famous, they just might remember them. Hell, some of the girls actually held delusions that they'd get to go along for the ride.

I had seen it happen more often than I cared to count. Hometown high school sweethearts supporting their 'wannabe' rock star boyfriends, right up until the last moment, and then, in an instant so fast they didn't even realize what hit them, they were tossed to the side like yesterdays trash. On-the-rise artists apparently preferred to have cheaper looking woman and many of them.

Sometimes I wondered what happened to those half-wits. Did they ever learn from the errors of their ways? Did they, years later, wake up one day and mourn that lost love, the perfect person, the one that completes them so and realize what a lost fuck up they had actually turned out to be?

I, personally, would never be that way. I had no one to leave behind, no one to replace. In fact, I hoped my rising fame, if anything, would bring me closer to Lauren, not farther away. Too long have I spent restless nights yearning to touch her long golden hair and hold her in my arms and kiss her; to call her my own and never let go, to toss that dream and desire aside for a cheap piece of ass groupie.

As we finished unpacking our gear from the back of Seth's van, the girls pulled up behind us in Alice's flaming yellow Porsche. Think she was compensating for something? One would think that, but oddly enough, Alice was damn near close to perfection, she had not a thing to compensate for. She had an amazing personality. She easily passed as attractive, with her elfish features and size, and those wide beaming eyes, and that tinkling soft voice. Then there were her many amazing talents, and, damn, the girl was smart to boot. She honestly just had a thing for bright, fast, ostentatious cars.

"Eeek, I am so excited. Edward, can you sign my ass? I so want to be your first official roadie." Alice giggled as she skipped over to me, red sharpie in hand, spinning around and slowly shimmying her pants down so her one ass cheek was visible. I stared at it, at her, my jaw slack and mouth agape. Was she fucking kidding me? She had to be kidding, right?

I flinched as she slapped the sharpie into my hand, "Come on, Edward. Do you want every single sleazy, greasy fucktard around here staring at my hiney? Sign me already, so I can get inside and look for Jasper. I heard Emmett is bringing him."

That got my attention. With a stunned expression, I scribbled my John Doe on Alice's ass, and not being able to resist, swatted it for good measure when I was done.

"You know, I swear you have a lil' perv hidden behind those big, innocent green eyes of yours."

_Oops, apparently I took that too far_, "Sorry Alice…"

"And I can't wait till he comes out to play. Not that you are my type or anything, but, seriously, I would so be your side kick. You and me on the prowl, baby. I am so all over that shit," she interrupted my apology, leaving me once again gaping and absolutely stunned. Where the hell was the Alice I knew and loved, and who the hell was this look alike, horn-dog, bad ass, here in her place?

"Come on, dude, stop gaping at the freaky pixie, and let's get this show on the road," Jacob cheerfully taunted me. I rolled my eyes and hauled the huge chest behind me as I made my way through the back door and into the back stage area.

Jacob, Seth and I spent the next forty minutes setting up, and, as we heard the current band say their thanks and notify the crowd that they'd be selling CD's and shirts at the entrance, Bella came scrambling though the back door with Angela close behind her.

"Hey, Bells, Angela," I said motioning to them and giving them a huge, nervous smile.

My palms were sweaty; my heart beat erratic and painfully pulsing its way through my insides, surely looking for any means of escape.

"Hey, Edward. We just wanted to come back here and wish you guys good luck before we went and got our seats," Angela said cheerfully, winking at me, her eyes bright and full of excitement.

"Eddie-kins, ekkkkkk, it is you. Come here you sexy beast." My toes curled, my throat constricted and my heart jumped in my chest. Victoria, fuck!

Victoria was a girl I had briefly dated as a sophomore. It had lasted but a week before she got transferred to some all girl private school. I can't say I was sad to see her go. That one week was more than enough time for me to figure out she was one freaky, fucked up chick. For weeks after she left she had called me relentlessly, leaving messages that went into explicit detail about what she was doing to various parts of her body. I was a guy for shit sakes, and even _I_ was repulsed by some of the shit she came out with. That was saying something. She followed me late at night and even crept through my window one night. I had woken to her with her lips just inches from my trembling cock; yeah, even he was scared shitless of her.

Bottom line ended up being my mother had to call her mother to end the stalking and constant phone messages by threatening a harassment charge. Luckily, I hadn't heard from her since. Until now, that is.

Absolutely desperate, I grasped onto Bella, tugging her towards me and wrapping my arms securely around her waist. "Please, just go along with it," I whispered frantically into her neck. She stiffened, but, thankfully, didn't pull away.

"Eddie, didn't you hear me." Victoria stopped dead in her tracks when I turned to face her, Bella still tightly wrapped in my arms. "Victoria," I said, nodding my head at her.

"Sorry, I don't have much time to chat before we go on. I hope you enjoy the show," I said in a clipped tone, dismissing her as I nuzzled my nose into Bella's neck, placing scattered kisses as I went.

"Well, the least you can do is introduce me to your little friend, Eddie, before you send me off," Victoria spat back, her eyes slanted and her nostrils flaring.

"Fine, Bella, this is Victoria, an old acquaintance. Victoria, this is Bella, my girlfriend."

Bella squeaked softly as Vitoria huffed and stomped back the way she came. Not even saying hi to Bella. Good, it was better that way. Maybe now she'd leave me the fuck alone for good.

I leaned down and once again placed my mouth near Bella's ear, whispering a soft, heartfelt, "thank you." Bella pulled back, her eyes wide, her tiny hands shaking. What the fuck was she looking at me like that for? She almost looked liked she was about to be… ill?

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," I stammered quickly, feeling bad for making her so distraught.

Again, Bella squeaked as she raised her eyes to mine. I blanched when I saw the look of terror on her face, her eyes dancing back and forth, seeking a means of escape. Shame filled me, followed closely by confusion and insecurity, then, finally, the anger came; and, with that anger, I lost it on one of the only pure souls I had ever known.

"Just fucking go already. Stop standing there looking like a fucking frightened kitten. Sorry I am too damn disgusting for you to be near like that for a mere few minutes. I promise I won't get that close to you ever again," I spat angrily, my temper flaring as I turned on my heel and stormed over to the stage. I could hear Angela stammering at Seth and Jacob as I combed my fingers through my hair and took a few deep breaths, trying to tone down the scorching shame bubbling within me.

"Well, good luck. I, umm, better go after her. When she gets all flustered like that she's bound to end up in the wrong place or wandering aimlessly through the streets," Angela said jokingly, obviously trying to defuse the situation as best as she could, but she was partially being serious. Bella was known for being rather flighty when all flustered.

"Yeah, keep an eye on her, and, thanks, Angela. It really means a lot to me that you guys are all here to support me. I…uh…sorry about that…" I ran my hand absently through my hair and tugged gently at the small curls at the nape of my neck, my nerves once again getting the best of me. Angela gave me a feeble smile then took off after Bella. I pathetically attempted to try to figure just what it was that had me in such a tizzy to begin with. Bella's reaction couldn't be it. What do I care if she doesn't see me that way? And it couldn't be about the show, I mean, I knew we would sound awesome, we always did. So, what the hell was I wigging myself out about?

Probably has something to do with the fact that you have a seething, crazy ex out in the crowd somewhere, the newly revealed sexual deviant pixie, and now a friend that is likely out there wishing you nothing but failure for being such an ass.

_Wait, what if she's here? What if she thinks you are an even bigger fool, and you blow any chance at wooing her?_

_Shut the fuck up. What kind of inner monologue are you anyway? Always bringing me down, and reminding me of all the shit I want and can't have?_

_Damn, Edward, get a grip, and stop fucking talking to the imaginary fucker in your head._

"You ready, Bro?" Seth called. I averted my attention to him and noticed he and Jacob were already setting up the stage. "Yeah, I'm coming," I replied, grabbing my guitar and microphone before I went to help them finish setting up.

_I can do this. I am good at what I do, and Lauren Mallory will realize what she has been missing, and everything will work out for me. Right?_

Who would have guessed I had such a pansy-ass insecure bitch living in my head?

"Hey! We're Neon Moon, and we're honoured to be playing for you fine folks here in Port Angeles. We hope you enjoy the show. Seth here…" I introduced while motioning to him, "will be at the front doors soon, along with a couple of our friends with some sweet CD's, shirts and photos available for you to buy to help support our attempt to become the next 'big one'."

Jacob softly plucked out the beginning chords, and I shut my eyes, willing the hysteria away, gulping down the sickly feeling in my throat. I let the music fill me and just lost myself; this was my element, my calling, my dream.

I took one deep breath and just let all my frustration, all my desperation, all my worries escape as I blew out the words I knew so well.

_There's somethin' wrong with the world today_

_I don't know what it is_

_Something's wrong with our eyes_

_We're seeing things in a different way_

_And God knows it ain't His_

_It sure ain't no surprise_

_We're livin' on the edge_

_We're livin' on the edge_

_We're livin' on the edge_

_We're livin' on the edge_

-OoO-

As we finished off our first song, I looked around the massive room filled to the brim with swaying bodies, searching for _her_ face.

Just as Seth started in on the second song, I caught a glimpse of long, shiny blond hair. Lauren! She was here... With my brother and Rose, aghh. Well, at least she was here. That was a start, right?

I decided to make a quick change to the song. "Psttt….change it up quick, let's do 'Broken Hearted'." All of a sudden I was feeling brave. I was ready to raise some hell. I was tired of being a doormat and sick of sitting on the sidelines, waiting like a pathetic slobbering pup.

I grabbed the mic and slammed it to the side, clenching my eyes shut as I belted out the first lines.

There's no sight she'd rather see

than poor old broken hearted me

I never been the kind of man to let a woman changes my plan

But all of that was history when she sho' nuff did this to me

The crowd was cheering and stomping about- hands flying in the air and squeals resounding throughout the mass area. Half-dressed girls grabbed at my ankles as I made my way to the front of the stage. I barely noticed them as I glared in her direction, silently willing her to look my way, to know it was her wretched ignorance that I was singing of. She didn't even blink my way, never mind pay attention to the words. I was infuriated, feeling stupid and disgusted as I watched her from the corner of my eye, oblivious to me or anything really, aside from herself. Just before I turned to the other side of the stage, Lauren threw herself at some large jock of a guy, stuffing her tongue down his throat and dry humping him right there in the middle of the fucking crowd, plain as day for me to see.

I swallowed back a mixture of disgust and jealousy and continued on with our last song.

Her lies, they won me over quick

She ruled my mind, my heart, my dick

I took the line, the hook, the bait

And now I'm sick from what I ate and

There's no sight she'd rather see

Than poor old broken hearted me

Her mission is my misery

Poor old broken hearted me

The force of her magnetic pull was cruel and unusual

When she calls I wag my tail; I'm harder than a coffin nail

A pilgrim on my bended knees

I'd cross the desert if it please you

Baby treat me as you will

Yours to bless, yours to kill

...

"Give it up for 'Neon Moon'…" I didn't wait around to hear our send off. I didn't pay attention to the hundreds of people cheering and hollering. I grabbed my shit the second our gig was over and was off the stage in a flash. I slammed open the back door and tossed my guitar, a little too roughly, into the back of the van, and then lit up a much needed smoke. I braced myself against the side of the van, inhaling the sweet nicotine deeply and willing the anger away. This was ridiculous. Did I honestly expect anything different from her?

For years I had yearned for this girl. For years she had used me. Using her luscious body and sweet voice to keep me at her beck and call, and, like the fool I was, I fell for it every time. Why the fuck couldn't I let go? I wasn't stupid; I was a fucking smart guy, funny and witty and definitely attractive enough. Why did I bother with that fucking infuriating girl?

It was like some cross-wired remote control in my head, hardwired to my chest, flickered to life the second she was anywhere within sight, pulling me to her, directing me to her path, desperate for her. Maybe Tyler was right, after all. Maybe it was all just a 'forbidden fruit' obsession. You know, men always want what they can't have, or some shit. Yeah, maybe that is what this was.

_Her_ voice floated from the side of the building, soft, sultry, hypnotizing. My breath caught in my throat, and I damn near choked as the deep pull of my cigarette got stuck in my throat, suffocating me, choking me, tears filling my eyes from the smothering sensation.

I gulped back the painful smoke and exhaled as quietly as possible while sputtering and gasping and silently moved towards the sound of her siren call.

What awaited me on the other side of the wall left me seething green; green with envy, green with jealousy, green with despicable lust. Lauren was pressed up against the wall, her second guy of the night had his pants down just below his hairy ass, and he was plowing into her full throttle.

"Fuck yeah, fuck me hard. Fuck me, fuck me, fucking wreck my pussy." I shuddered, not that I had much experience or anything, but, seriously, those shrieking words falling from her pouty lips sounded so wrong, so slutty and so fucking cheap.

I stormed back to the van, where everyone was already waiting. They must have seen something in my eyes that told them to back the fuck off and leave it be, 'cause no one said a damn word to me the whole way back to Forks, for which I was utterly grateful. I had some thinking to do. A lot of thinking, actually. And the direction my thoughts were running in was less than friendly. I wouldn't want to act them out on the people who actually mattered.

Lauren Mallory made me feel like a little piece of shit for the last time. Next time, it would be all on her. She would learn how it felt to be something less than what you are. She would learn the feeling of ridicule and of being useless to do anything against that deep, encompassing feeling.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 TSV**

I couldn't believe it was already mid-May. We only had another four and a half weeks of school to go, and we would be free for two whole months. No teachers, no homework, no waking up early-squirrely at the ass crack of dawn. Just two months of hanging with my friends and working on my 'get-Lauren- to-realize-how-fuckawesome-you-are' mission. Life couldn't be better at this moment. Well, I guess it could, if Lauren were already mine, and Bella wasn't still being all weird and awkward around me, and school was already out for the summer.

"Mr. Cullen, the principal would like to see you in his office." Damn, if that wasn't a shitacular way to get pulled from one's daydreams, I don't know what was.

I nodded and began gathering up my books. What the hell had I done that would warrant a visit to the principal's office? Nothing. I am too robotically perfect to be in trouble. My parents had made sure of that. Constantly reminding me of my potential and demanding I live up to it and not fall into the pits of the normal teenage angst, as they called it. Oddly enough, after years of them drilling their morals into my head and heart, they stuck. Well, most of them anyway. I had a potty mouth truck drivers would be proud of and a flare for being overly dramatic. But, those were the least of my parents concerns, considering Jessica Stanley had just dropped out a month ago in an attempt to hide her teenage-unwanted pregnancy. Then there was Jessie McAllister who was transferred to reform school after being busted with a pound of 'the pretty white substance' at school. And, who could forget the infamous Tanya Denali, who got caught red handed slamming onto poor Mr. Peterson's cock behind the stadium on the back bleachers. Poor guy was probably scarred for life. They may have fired him, thinking it all must have been his doing. But, I knew better. I knew Tanya, and I was certain if one were to look up the term 'conniving, cheap slut' in the dictionary, her name and picture would be displayed there, smiling proudly, 'cause she thought she was the shit. Honestly, all she really was was the town's escape route. Any and every virgin left in Forks who didn't want to leave for college with their v-card intact had made an impromptu visit to the 'Denali bleachers of shame'. And, dude, let me tell you, she had no standards; she took them _all_ into her black hole of torture and banged them until she could barely walk. How the school-board didn't find her to be the instigator, the vile seducer, was beyond me. Maybe that mouth of hers could actually do more than suck. Maybe, when the need arose, she could actually sweet-talk her way out of the hole she had dug for herself. Not that it did Mr. Peterson any good. He was now banned from teaching and would live with the shame of being caught sleeping with a student, no matter how skanky and willing said student was; not to mention, I heard through the grape-vine he also got to take a severe case of herpes with him as a painful reminder.

I rapped my taut knuckles on the stained glass, and within moments the door whipped open to reveal Mr. Ruckus, smiling like the cat who caught the canary.

"Mr. Cullen! Great, you're here. Please, come in." I followed behind him stiffly, warily.

"Please, take a seat." I did, perched nervously on the edge of the seat, of course. There was a gleam in his eyes that was all too familiar. It was a gleam I had seen in Alice's eyes all too often, and I knew what it meant. It meant I was about to get suckered into doing something I likely didn't want to do.

"As you know, Mr. Cullen, _our final game of the year is in two weeks, and we want to send our senior Spartans off with a bang." Okay, that seemed innocent enough. Makes sense. So, what does that have to do with me?_ I cocked my head and rubbed the back of my neck, curiosity getting the best of me. Even though I knew I should sit here, hear him out and fucking run like hell when he was done, I didn't do that. I just had to fucking ask... "Alright, so what does that have to do with me?"

Mr. Ruckus' eyes lit up like a kid in a candy shop. "I'm so glad you asked. You see, local bands and 'hip' music are a guilty pleasure of mine. I just happened to be at The Circus Room the night your band played, and, well, I thought your music was pretty darn good. So…I was looking over your records and noticed you don't have much for extracurricular activities, and thought maybe you and your band could play at half-time. In turn, I would give you the extra pizzazz you'll need on your college applications." I gaped openly at him. What a conniving little bugger. Sadly enough, all he would have had to do was ask. I would so be all over that shit, with or without the help to my college applications. But, I wasn't about to tell him that. I hummed and hawed and made it seem like I was having some serious internal debate, before raising my hand to shake his, "You've got a deal, Sir. Any requests for what we play, and how many songs will be required for half-time?"

"That's just wonderful," he beamed like a crazed-groupie. "Two songs would be perfect, and the song choice I'll leave up to you. Obviously, it cannot have any racial references or inappropriate language. But, aside from that, it's all your choosing." I nodded, already lost in thought. The guys would be ecstatic! This was a sweet-ass way to get our name out there to the locals who would not normally cram their selves into a sweaty hall or bar to watch a band they thought they'd despise anyway. Not to mention, it would get me nice and close to Lauren. Lauren. I had seen so little of her lately. There had been way too many 'away games' and not enough of her bouncing across my line of vision. Not that I had been paying her much attention. Surprisingly, her little act at The Circus room had briefly disgusted me. But, once we were back on the common- grounds of high school, she reverted back to the perfect student once again. Hell, she was even voted in for valedictorian. So, maybe that night at the club had been a lapse in judgment on her part? Maybe she drank too much? Maybe she was just letting loose a bit, and that was a onetime occurrence? Maybe I was being a jealous freak, who had no right to be jealous to begin with? Either way, it didn't matter. What mattered was, she was back to being the straight A, pompom tossing, cheer hollering, luscious tease I still had an intense need to make mine.

I left Mr. Ruckus' office with a bounce in my step. He wasn't such a bad guy after all; maybe his name suited him more than he realized. 'Cause us playing at the year end game was sure to cause more than a little "ruckus". As I rounded the corner, deciding I may as well put my books away and just head to lunch since the bell was about to ring anyway, I slammed into something warm and hard. I gasped and staggered back, mumbling an apology to whatever jock I had surely just slammed into, "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention, my bad."

"S'okay, no harm done." I knew that drawl. I lifted my eyes to look at my brother's best friend and damn near chewed off my own tongue as my jaw gapped and my mouth snapped open and shut, words swirling through my head, never completely forming a coherent sentence.

"Ah. Umm…yeah, hi, Edward," Alice stammered, slinking out of Jasper's arms with a look similar to one you would find on a kid who just got caught sneaking peeks at porn.

"You…Jasper…you…for real?" Yep, that made sense.

Jasper chuckled as he pulled Alice into his side. "Yep, true love works in mysterious ways, eh!"

I shook my head, did he just say 'love'? Holy hell, what had I missed here? It had only been three weeks since the show in Port Angeles. So, even if they hooked up there, three weeks…and they were already in…love?

"I know it's a lot to take in. But trust me, Edward, Jazzy and I well, I told you…we were just meant to be. There's no stopping fate." Alice giggled and planted a kiss on Jasper's cheek.

And then it all clicked, this was perfect. Alice and Jasper were exactly the kind of sign I had been needing for years now.

"You know what, Ally, I'm happy if you are happy," I said, still kinda stunned. I then turned towards an, oddly enough, wary looking Jasper, "Congrats, man, you've got one hell of a wild cat here. Take good care of her, k."

Jasper shook my hand and smiled brightly at me. "Will do, my man, will do." I quickly strode away, making my way to the cafeteria with a smile on my face and hope in my heart. If Jasper and Alice - two people from two completely different high school cliques- could fall in love, then so could Lauren and I.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - TSV **

**EPOV**

The next two weeks pretty much flew by.

I spent most of my spare time up in La Push, with the guys, practicing some new songs for the year end game and all of my time at school pining for Lauren's attention.

The last stretch of the school year was now upon us, and student attendance seemed to be dwindling like flies in the hot desert heat. Exams were over, and the only thing I ever heard talked about in school was the year end dance – Prom.

With exactly three weeks to the date, I was still dateless, but then again, so was Lauren. I heard through the grape vine – in other words, Alice – that Lauren was weighing her options, which didn't surprise me. She had been acting like a Tanya replacement off and on ever since our gig at The Circus Room. I had no fucking clue who she was anymore, maybe I never really did.

I wasn't really the 'dance' kind of guy to begin with. I was only going because Alice was Jasper's date and Emmett wanted me there to watch him be crowned king and Rosalie crowned queen. A little presumptuous, don't ya think? Yep, but that was Rose and Emmett. I honestly had no doubts that he was right, and they would be crowned king and queen. They were the two most popular kids in school. Everybody knew them and either wanted to date them, be them, or just be seen with them.

I was unloading our gear from the back of Seth's van, when all of my dreams came true, or so I thought.

"Hey, Eddie-kins, got a minute for little ol' me?" I spun on my heel and did a double take. Lauren fucking Mallory, in all of her glory, was standing in front of me, with a god damn lollypop placed between her bright red lips. Hair up in pig tails, pom poms in one hand, that sweet little cheer leader skirt on and, holy hell, it looked like her chest might just pop out of her, curiously, very low cut shirt. I couldn't recall the cheerleader's shirts being that risqué before. Maybe it was new?

I cleared my throat and shook the shit from my head when I noticed her tapping her foot, waiting for me to answer her.

I truly, utterly hated myself in that moment. Why was I still a stammering fool around her? I was disgusted by her, repulsed even. I had finally seen Lauren Mallory's true colors. And bright fucking colors they were. Scarlet and pink and nasty vomit tinged orange. She was a true Tanya wannabe. Fuck that, in the matter of two weeks she had long surpassed Denali. She was in a league of her own now. The super slut league, as Alice liked to call it. "Yeah, umm, Lauren, what's up?"_ Smooth, bro, real smooth._

She cautiously stepped towards me, with a look in her eyes that had me reeling, and my pants tightening, and placed her hand on my forearm. _Traitorous man junk._ "Well, you see, I kind of need help with my speech, and I was wondering if you might be willing to help a girl out?"

Her speech. What speech? Oh, yes, her valedictorian speech. Seriously, she was supposed to be giving that in like what, two weeks and she hadn't even started it yet. _Fuck that shit, bitch is playing you, bro. Tell the skank to flounce the fuck off._

"You do know that you should have had that shit done long ago, right?"

She glared at me, her left eye twitching and her lips pursed. "Yeah, Eddie, I do know that. But seriously, as if I have time for that kind of boring shizz. I have a reputation to uphold, and it is imperative in these last few weeks of school to make a name for myself that will be remembered years from now. You can understand that, right?" Lauren stuck her bottom lip out, pouting and batted her fake lashes my way.

"We can, say, make a trade…" she tailed off suggestively and licked her bottom lip."I would _allow_ you to escort me to Prom in exchange for your help with my speech."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was she serious? My junk may be traitorous, but my head wasn't and neither was my now unclouded vision.

All the rejection over the years, all the mixed signals – mind fucks, all the mother fucking times these past two weeks I had watched her make out with whatever random 'dick of the day' she was bouncing on, rushed to the front of my mind, fought with my raging hard on and won the final battle.

I chuckled darkly at her. My lips twisted into a snarl, and I threw my head back and laughed, hard.

Lauren gasped and crossed her arms over her overly exposed chest, which I could now see were covered in blotchy beige spots. Shit, it was cover up- she had put cover up on her breasts to hide the many hickeys she had received. How fucking pathetic was that? I laughed that much harder at her.

She huffed and hissed at me, "What the fuck are you laughing about, Edward? This is not funny. Isn't this what you've always wanted? For me to give you a chance? Well, now's your chance, big boy."

So, she's known, all this time. And _now _she wants to give me a chance…

"Are you fucking shitting me, Lauren? Seriously, is that the best you got? 'Cause if it is, I can only imagine how badly you will stumble through life, how far you will let your morals fall to get where you think you belong. You are absolutely deplorable and should be ashamed of yourself. Definitely not standing there trying to look all high and mighty. Shit, woman, who the fuck, in their right mind, wants to be remembered as the high school harlot? Are you sure you aren't related to Denali? Because we all know that was her goal, and what a name she has made for herself. 'The town's escape route', and damn, even you managed to top that one, doll. Good fucking luck with your life and what you have coming to you. 'Cause, darling, all I see in your future is a mile long highway of pain and disappointment, not to mention the many diseases." I turned around and grabbed the last of our gear and stormed down the hall.

I now felt completely justified in my extracurricular activities tonight. Not one ounce of guilt lingered within me. Tonight, Lauren Mallory would be seen, by the whole school, for what she really was.

"Edward, dear, what are you doing underneath there? You are going to be filthy by the time half time hits?" I damn near jumped out of my skin at the sound of my mother's soft, curious voice.

"Damn, Mom, you almost gave me a heart attack." I held my hand to my heart and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the erratic beat down and get control of myself. _No guilt, remember, Cullen?_

"I am so glad you came, Mom. Is Dad here, too?"

"Of course he is, darling. Where else would he be? We are so proud of both our boys. Your brother will be playing in tonight's game, his final game before going off on his football scholarship; and you, well, you will be playing your music for the whole town at half time. A set of parents couldn't be more proud of their boys."

The smallest amount of guilt began gnawing at the corner of my mind. I clenched my eyes shut and swallowed back the bitter taste_. The bitch deserved what she had coming. It's not like it wasn't the truth, 'cause it was._

"You okay, sweetie? You look like you might be sick." My mother wrapped her frail arms around me and pulled me towards her, placing her hand on my forehead, of course, assuming I might actually be sick.

I squirmed out of her grasp. "Mom, I'm not sick. Just nervous is all," I lied, I wasn't sick per se, at least not in the way she was thinking. I was sick because I hated the side of me Lauren Mallory brought out. My behavior tonight, no matter how justified I thought it to be, was sickening. It only lowered me to her level. But it was too late now, what's done was done.

I was jarred from my inner berating by an uproar of laughter and loud murmurs.

"What on earth is going on out there?" I grumbled, total brain fart, 'cause I sure as shit should know exactly what was going on out there, obviously, 'cause I had done it.

I turned to peek out from under the stadium, at the field doors. "Wait, before I go, I almost forgot why I came down here. I wanted to give you this." My mom handed me a thick brown envelope and pulled me in for a hug. I squeezed her and pulled back, looking at her quizzically. She just smiled, "Congratulations, son. You deserve it." And with that she scurried back out the side door, leaving me standing there dumbstruck.

I stared at the envelope, filled with trepidation for some reason, and was just about to open it when a squealing Alice came barreling at me, an awkward looking Bella being towed behind her.

"Edward, holy shizz, have you looked out there? It's pure mayhem."

I gave her what I hoped was an 'I don't have a clue what you are talking about, woman' look and she carried on.

"Come, you have to see for yourself." She grabbed me by the scruff of the shirt with her free hand, and together, Bella and I were dragged by the tiny elf-like Alice towards the field doors.

Mayhem wasn't the word to explain what was going on outside the doors, on the field, in the stands, everywhere. Mass chaos was more like it. The stands were packed full of people laughing and pointing towards the field. I knew what they were laughing at, but seriously, was it really that amusing?

Inch-by-inch Alice pulled us towards a huge circle of football players that were standing off to the side of the building, closer to where the locker room was. We walked past the spray painted message I had left on the field, which appeared to be nothing out of the ordinary at the moment. We veered around Lauren Mallory's parents, who were skittering across the damp field, flailing their arms and wailing incoherent words, their faces bright red and tinged with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. I tore my eyes away from their frantic faces just as Alice had pushed through the crowd of players.

"Holy hell! Eddie, aren't you glad you didn't hook up with her, after all?" Emmett clapped me on the back and shook his head. I stared at him, wide eyed and confused.

What the fuck was going on here?

I heard the coach shouting for the players to disperse, heard the laughter, the guffaws, the snickers, and then I saw Lauren Mallory herself, naked as the day she was brought into this world, wrapped up in none other than the janitor's equally naked body.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – The Sanguine Virtuoso's.**

**EPOV**

"Oh my god, that was fucking priceless." Alice collapsed beside Bella and me on the damp, green grass at the front of the school, clutching her sides and swiping at the wayward tears streaming down her face.

"What was she thinking?" Bella squeaked out as she too wiped at tears of amusement and disbelief.

"That's the problem, I think," I mumbled, still trying to figure it all out myself. "I don't believe she does think, and that is how she gets herself into these unbelievable situations."

"I thought Principal Ruckus was going to snap a nut. I still can't believe he cancelled the year end game. Do you think they are going to re-book it?" Bella mused, looking off into the darkening sky with a look of contentment.

"Of course he is. It is rescheduled for next Friday," Emmett boomed as he came barreling towards us, a snickering Rose held tight against his side.

Emmett and Rose joined us on the grass. Rose looked so out of place. With her tiny white skirt, her perfectly manicured nails and skillfully French-braided hair, sitting with us nobodies on the damp, cold earth.

"So, now we have the whole night free. What should we do?" Alice grumbled, already looking bored and ready to cause some mischief.

"I don't know, Al, but I'm pretty content just laying here, camping out under the stars," Bella replied, her eyes still dancing about as she took in the stars overhead.

Alice made a disturbing squeaky noise and began bouncing on her haunches. "Really, Bella, I can't even begin to tell you how much of a genius you are, and you don't even try."

"What are you going on about, woman?" Emmett asked, eyeing Alice warily. I couldn't say I blamed him. Alice was well known for coming up with the most idiotic harebrained ideas. But, in her defense, no matter how idiotic they seemed, they always turned out to be the most memorable and life-altering moments, as well.

"What time is it?" Alice asked, as she jumped to her feet and began pacing, her right hand cupped to her chin as her fingers tapped out a rhythm on it.

Everyone looked around as Alice watched on, waiting for a reply. Alice looked expectantly at me, and I raised my brow and snickered, "Since when have you ever seen a watch on my wrist?"

She nodded minutely and redirected her gaze to Rose, who huffed and pulled her cell phone out from between her fucking cleavage of all places.

"What? A girl always has to be prepared. What if someone really important called while I was sitting on the sidelines watching my snookums here pummel big boys?"

I laughed. I couldn't help it. She was too fucking priceless. "Good point," I admitted, and damn, if I had cleavage like that, I would hide shit in it, too.

"Stop ogling my girlfriend's lady humps, you moron. Those are mine; get your own. "Rose laughed heartily and snickered out that it was just after seven.

"Great! Emmett, take Rose home and pack an overnight bag. Nothing fancy, just comfortable and warm. Edward, take Bella home and do the same. We'll all meet over at the diner in exactly one hour. Tell your parents you won't be home tonight. I'm going to go find Jasper and let him know."

"Let Jasper know what, darlin'?" Jasper came out of seemingly nowhere, a huge smile on his face and eyes only for Alice. He barely nodded in our direction before attaching himself to Alice and locking lips with her in what appeared to be a disgusting spit swap tourney.

"Eww, get a room, you two. Bella, come on. Let's get out of here before I throw the fuck up in my mouth."

Bella chuckled and trailed behind me. I opened the passenger side door for her of my graduation gift. Did I forget to mention that my parents are the fucking greatest? Last week my dad took me out and let me choose whatever car I wanted as a graduation present. It was delivered this afternoon while I was at school, so my mom being the sweetest mother in the whole world, had driven it over while my dad must have followed her in their own car.

It was a 1974 Dodge Challenger Coupe, and it was my baby. My mom couldn't understand why I wouldn't want a newer car. She even winced a wee bit when she found out how much it had cost, stating that for the same price, I could have gotten a brand spanking new vehicle. One that she would have felt less anxious about me driving. But Dad understood; he may drive a new spiffy Mercedes, but he also knew a damn good muscle car when he saw one. This one was mint, too. The previous owner must have babied her. She was fire engine red, with a black stripe down the center of her. She had just over 30,000 miles on her and the engine was immaculate, along with the interior. She was a beauty, and my mother-fucking dream come true. I named her Legs, 'cause she gave me a similar feeling to that of running my hands up the long slender legs on a beautiful woman, inching my way to the Promise Land.

"This is a pretty sweet ride, Edward. When did you get it?" Bella asked softly as she wrung her hands together and stared at the floor.

Things between Bella and I had improved. But to say there was no awkwardness between us at all would be an outright lie. I wasn't exactly sure what had shifted in our friendship, but something had, and I hated it. I missed her. I missed our carefree friendship, and most of all, I missed her sweet tinkling laugh. So rarely did I ever happen to hear that these past few weeks.

I had tried to apologize for putting her on the spot at The Circus Room; but she had waved me off, telling me it was no problem, and she was glad to be of service. But something was still there, buried deep in her bottomless chocolate eyes. Something that made her cringe when I touched her and gasp when I smiled. One fucked up combination, I know. Which is why I was so damn confused. I wasn't overly versed on all things woman. In fact, I was barely versed at all. I had no clue when one was flirting, even if they were blatantly doing so. I had no filter when it came to conversations with them, which usually ended up with me hurting their feelings. I just hadn't found that right balance between 'just one of the guys' and _woman!_ I prayed my slow ass figured it out soon though, or I feared I just may lose Bella's friendship for good.

"Thanks, Bella. My mom drove it over here today before the game, it just got delivered today. So you're the first to ever step foot into 'Legs'."

"Legs?" Bella quirked her brow at me and cocked her head. Oh shit! Me and my big mouth. This should be interesting. Go ahead, Cullen, this one is going to be great!

"Umm, yeah, I… uh… that is what I uh… named her." I turned the key in the ignition and revved the engine, doing anything that assisted me in avoiding Bella's surely confused face. The soft purr of my baby calmed me, somewhat, until Bella just had to go and say something smart.

"Are you a leg man, Cullen?" Bella asked in, I swear to God, the sultriest voice I had ever heard. I had to manually snap my mouth shut with my hand, or else the damn thing might have stuck that way. Bella slowly ran her hand up her outer thigh and chuckled. _Was she flirting with me?_ I looked over at her. My hands gripped securely to the steering wheel, and my heart thudding like a fucking woodpecker was trying to beat its way out of my chest, and sure as shit, Bella was looking up at me shyly yet seductively from under her thick, long lashes.

Holy shit! Bella Swan was flirting with me. What the fuck do I do now?

I cleared my throat, and she turned to face the window as I backed out of the parking spot and sped off silently down the road.

We went to my place first, because Bella's was a lot closer to the diner. Bella followed me up to my room and sat on the edge of my bed. The awkwardness between us seemed to have flown right out the window as soon as we walked through the doorway.

"This room is so you. The books, the instruments, the CD's, they all scream, Edward Cullen dwells here."

I chuckled; she wasn't the first person to say this to me. I couldn't help it if my room was my sanctuary, thus causing it to take on the ambiance of all things _me_.

"Umm, thanks, I think." I swung open my closet and grabbed the huge duffle bag off the top shelf and began throwing various pieces of clothing into it. I went to the bathroom and grabbed my tooth brush and toothpaste and, at the last minute, decided to take my guitar along with me.

"All set," Bella asked, rising from my bed and stretching. Was it just me, or had Bella's boobs gotten a lot bigger in the last few hours?

I cleared my throat and pinched the bridge of my nose with my free hand, praying she didn't see me eye humping her breasts and motioned for her to go ahead of me.

She chuckled and scurried on ahead and down the stairs. What the fuck was going on here? I mean, seriously, this is Bella fucking Swan, not some girl I had a crush on, but one of my best friends in the whole damn world. You don't think about your friends that way. Do you? I felt like such a fucking peeking perv.

The drive to Bella's was rather quiet. It wasn't uncomfortable, but charged. Something crackled in the air between us. Something that scared the bejebus out of me. Bella shuffled through the music on my iPod and settled on a song just as I pulled into her drive.

"I'll wait out here for you. You won't be long, right?"

Bella shook her head and grinned knowingly at me. "Nope, just give me a minute or two. I should be back by the time this song is over." With that, she snickered and closed the door. I watched her run into the house with a million things running through my head.

Where the fuck are we going for the night? What does Alice have in store for us? And what the hell am I going to do stuck with Bella all night long, especially with these new weird, voodoo feelings coursing between us?

I sat back and leaned my head into the head rest. I sighed deeply and closed my eyes, it was then I actually heard what Bella had put on from my iPod. I groaned as the words reverberated throughout the small space in my car.

_Hot as a fever, rattling bones_

_I could just taste it, taste it_

_If it's not forever, if it's just tonight_

_Oh, it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest_

_You, your sex is on fire_

_And you, your sex is on fire_

_Consumed with what's to transpire_

_And you, your sex is on fire_

_Consumed with what's to transpire_

Was Bella trying to tell me something? Did she want me, like this? Like the song?

Did I feel that way about Bella? Could I?

_What the fuck?_

A throaty moan slipped out as I adjusted my now very tight pants. It was then I realized not only could I look at Bella that way, but that I already did; I just didn't realize it. Bella was sex on legs and sweet, and witty and funny, and smart and beautiful, and fuck_. I am so fucked._

As I heard her front door slam shut, I adjusted my raging hard on and watched her bounce towards my car. I prayed I was right and stopped my mind dead in it tracks before it had a chance to wander into unchartered territory that involved Bella's fine ass, and my hands holding it up as I pounded into her sweet ass pussy.

She swung the back door open and threw her bags into the back. I groaned. I had been so lost in my ravenous thoughts that I had forgotten to get out and help her. Shit!

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. If I had seen you coming, I would have gotten out to help you with your boobs….shit…I mean bags." I buried my head in my hands and let out an audible groan.

Bella laughed throatily and put her hand on my arm. "Don't worry about it, Edward. I am a big girl. I can handle my own." Bella winked at me when I looked at her between my fingers. Devil woman!

_I am so screwed._

I backed out of her driveway without another word, and headed down the road to the diner. As we pulled up in front of it mere minutes later, I noticed Alice and everyone was already there. Bella and I had been the last to show up. I stared curiously at Jasper's Jeep as I climbed out of my car. The back was overflowing with bags and boxes, and he was currently trying to ram in some grocery bags as well. On the roof he had a large cargo carrier. I eyed it skeptically; he noticed this and chuckled in humor.

"Talk to Alice, man," was all he muttered, shaking his head, before he resumed his intense workout of cramming crap into his Jeep.

"Alice, what the hooha is going on here?" Bella belted, jogging past me and also eyeing Jasper with curiosity.

Did she just say hooha? Oh my God, is my mind always in the gutter? God is so going to strike me dead in this very spot for being the world's biggest creeper ever.

"Well, now that everyone is here, I guess I can let you in on my brilliant plan. We are going camping tonight over at La Push." Bella groaned, Alice squealed and Rose shrieked, effectively cutting off all arguments and mutterings.

"Are you serious? Emmy, you can't let her do this. I am so not a tent kind of girl. Wait! We didn't even bring tents. You cannot expect me to sleep under the stars. There are way too many creepy crawlies out there that could bite my ass while I sleep. Emmy, tell her we aren't going!"

"Calm down, prissy princess, we are not sleeping under the stars. I brought tents. One for each pair of us."

Pair? Oh shit! I wasn't sure if I liked where this was going.

"Pair?" Bella repeated, with an odd tone to her voice.

"Yes, pairs, Bella. Me and Jazzy, of course, in one tent. Em and Rose in another and… you and Edward in the last one."

"Are you out of your mind, Alice? You want me to shack up in a small tent with Bella?" I seriously didn't intend on it coming out sounding so bad; I cringed as the words fell involuntarily from my lips. It wasn't that I didn't want to share a tent with Bella; in fact, I had a few times before on camping trips, but now it was different. Now, I wasn't sure if I could control myself. Stop myself from jumping her bones while she lay unsuspectingly beside me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Edward, if the idea of sleeping beside me revolts you. Fuck this, take me home!" Bella was furious, probably hurt, too. Her eyes were flashing with emotion and brimming at the corners with unshed tears. My stomach clenched and my throat constricted.

_Way to fucking go, Cullen._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – TSV**

**EPOV**

"No, Bella. Come here, sweetheart," Alice called, running towards Bella's retreating form.

"Good one, jack ass," she hissed as she passed by me. The look in her eyes made my whole body shudder. Fuck! What the hell had I done?

"No, Alice," I replied, grabbing her arm and hauling her back. "I'll deal with this."

I ran after Bella, who was already halfway down the street. Damn that girl was fast for being so damn small.

"Bella, wait up!" She didn't even acknowledge me; she just kept on hauling ass down the street. Oh, and what a sweet ass it was_. Shut up! Now is not the time to go all perv._

I picked up my speed and caught up to her in seconds. I was, of course, much faster than her.

I grabbed her by the arm, trying to be gentle yet firm. "What the fuck do you want, Edward? Didn't you humiliate me enough back there? Did you follow me so you could hopefully see me cry? Well, guess what? That ain't gonna happen. There is no way I am going to cry over some over confident, cocky ass. I don't give a shit how I feel about you. All these years I have been delusional. How the hell I could have wanted you to begin with is beyond me. So go fuck yourself, Cullen. 'Cause I am so done with you." My mouth hung open, slack and gaping, as she spun on her heel, ripping her arm from my grasp.

I stood there completely befuddled and looking like an outright moron. What the fuck did she just say? She wants me? _No, you asshole, she wanted you, past tense. Meaning, she doesn't anymore. You fucked up, and before you even pieced it all together. Aren't you fucking bright?_

So what if she does... or did? Whatever! It is just Bella. Isabella Swan – the girl I had spent the last four years taunting and teasing. The girl who tutored me through algebra and sat vigilantly by my side after I broke my wrist and spent days wallowing because I couldn't play the guitar. The girl who sat there strumming through cords she had no clue about when a wicked tune popped in my head, and I just had to hear it but couldn't do it myself. The girl who laughed at my jokes, smiled when I needed to be cheered up, studied with me, supported my writing and music, stood up for me, stood up to me, challenged me... is now finally walking away from me...

Something changed in that very instant. Bella's hunched retreating form screamed to me, pained me, caused me to almost keel over in ever consuming, staggering pain. She couldn't be done with me; I wasn't done with her. Far from it. I have always needed her- but in this moment, it all made sense. My desperation to have her near, her wanton giggles, her soft sighs, her baffling behavior at the club. Bella Swan wanted me as more than a friend, and damn me to hell, I wanted her, too!

"Bella, wait!" I sprinted down the street after her. She didn't falter in her brisk footsteps. She didn't even respond. She was almost to her house by the time I caught up. I could see the chief's car parked in the drive. A sign that usually caused me to go all squeamish, but today, it did nothing to deter me. I had to make this right. I had to let her know. This would not be the end, this would be our beginning. I hoped.

I reached her just as she reached the path to her front door. I grabbed her arm again and spun her around. I was panting and out of breath, but the look in her eyes, the defeat the helplessness, the hurt, meant I didn't have time to catch it. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, pulled her against me and hugged her tightly. She didn't hug me back, her body was tense, and a soft growl reverberated through it. It fucking drove me mad with want. I pulled back and looked down at her. Her eyes were wide, and her face looked pained, as if it hurt to be so close to me. I understood this now; for it pained me to be so close to her, and yet it seemed not close enough. I wanted to fuse together with her, be one. Melt in her chocolate pools and surrender my very being to see her smile just once more. For me.

"Oh, Bella, I have been walking around campus for four years with my eyes wide shut. Blinded by hormones and false feelings..." I shuddered, thinking of Lauren and what an epic fool I had been.

"I...I don't understand, Edward. What do you want? Why can't you just leave me alone?" Her eyes began to glisten; my fragile heart could not bear to see her cry. I closed my eyes, inhaled a quivering breath and lowered my head. Once I was eye level with her, I opened my eyes. She looked frightened, she looked delectable.

"All the time I spent lusting after Lauren, all the time I wasted, was not wasted at all. It was me being a boy who had to foolishly hurt the one he needed most before he could see why it was he needed her so desperately in the first place. I need you, Isabella Swan. I need you to love me..."

If I had been nervous about our first kiss being awkward, or about her rejecting me, I needn't worry no longer; because the second the words were out of my mouth, Bella Swan, all softness and curves and minty fresh breath, threw herself at me. Her arms wrapped tightly around my neck, and she leapt up, throwing me off balance momentarily, before she wrapped her legs around my waist and crashed her lips to mine. The kiss was not tentative or awkward or even deep; it was wet and warm and wanting and needing. Her lips peppered across my face, into my hairline and back to my mouth.

She pulled back slightly, her hot minty breath fanning across my face and invading my senses, all words, all coherency, lost in her. "I do love you, Edward Cullen. I always have."

Her words so blunt, so perfect, so downright frightening, floored me, filled me, grounded me. I kissed her, not gently, not even romantically, but desperately, like a man who had spent days walking the desert in need of liquid. She was my sustenance, and I drank her in. Took all I could take. My lips fought with hers frantically; then my tongue snaked out and tickled her plump top lip. She gasped and turned a delicious shade of cherry apple. I groaned, hardened involuntarily, painfully, and dove my tongue into her hot wetness. Our tongues met instantly, they touched, they explored, they danced in tandem to a beautiful, heart wrenching song. A song that sang of promise, of chance or possibilities... of us.

The front door squeaked. We broke apart gasping for air and something more. Bella unlatched herself from me, and if possible, turned an even deeper shade of magenta, just as her father's voice rang out in the darkness.

"Bells, is that you?"

She inhaled a shuddering breath. I did that to her, caused her to go all gooey and boggled.

"Yeah, Dad, it's me. I was just on my way out. Did you get my note?"

I heard footsteps and could make out the form of The Chief. "Well, give your old man a hug before you take off for the night... Oh, hi, Edward. I feel better already, knowing she'll be with you. She will be with you, right?"

I smiled a shit eating, you should so not trust me, grin and just nodded.

His intense gaze met mine momentarily, all caution and warning. It did nothing to stop the painful pang that was now pulsating through me. The need, the want, the desire for Bella. Nothing could scare me away from her now.

Bella hugged him one armed, and then spun on her heel and dashed back towards me, smiling brightly and flushing yet again. God, I loved that color on her. I wondered what it would look like speckled across her chest.

"You kids behave now, you hear," The chief murmured in a friendly tone, but I caught the underlying meaning. _You hurt my daughter, ass wipe, and I will use said ass to wipe my fucking floors_. The look in his eyes said it all.

"I will take good care of her, Sir," was the best I could give him. I made no promises of our behavior. I knew how I wanted this night to pan out, and none of that would come to fruition if I made such promises.

"You ready, beautiful girl?" I whispered into her hair as she reached my side.

"More than ready." I caught the double meaning and groaned, "You shouldn't say things like that, sweet thing. You may get more than you bargained for." I was only teasing her, well, kind of.

"That_ is_ what I'm hoping for," she whispered back huskily. Well, fuck me sideways. My girl was a naughty little thing. I fucking loved it.

"Bella, it's about time you got your ass back here. And, you, I should throttle you for your douchbaggery, but seeing how my girl here looks like she's floating on cloud nine, I'll let you live. This time!" Alice skipped over to Bella and hugged her before throwing me a disdainful look. For such a small girl, she sure was scary as fuck.

Jasper chuckled before hopping into his jeep. "Come on, Darlin', let's go get set up before the coons come out to play." Alice shrieked, Rose sounded like she was about to throw up, and Jasper cackled proudly.

I held open the door to my car for Bella, who eagerly got in and smiled at me.

The drive took about forty-five minutes, and before long, we had all our tents set up and Emmett was just starting a fire, when Alice perked up, "Anyone have any clue what the hay was going on back there at the school with Lauren? I mean, I've always know she was skanky, but seriously, the janitor? And what was with the writing on the field?"

Rose fell into a fit of laughter across from me, clutching her sides as she gingerly lowered herself into a chair.

"Rosie, if there is something you're not sharing, please do. Enquiring minds want to know." Emmett talking all smart and shit was all it took for me to join right along with Rose.

Jasper and Alice were looking back and forth between the two of us like we had lost our minds. It made me laugh all the harder. Alice huffed and stuck out her bottom lip, in true Alice fashion, sulking when she wasn't quite getting her way. Tears streamed down my face, and my stomach clenched painfully as I gasped and choked for air.

"What is going on out here?" Bella's soft, amused voice floated out of the tent. I tried to calm down enough to holler back "nothing" but it just came out as small gasps.

The second she stepped out of the tent in hip hugging pink pants and a tight little tank top, she stopped my laughter dead. Her...in that... those clothes, was no laughing matter. Something so simple, cotton, caused a wave of something animalistic to surge through me. I had to physically restrain myself from jumping from my chair and throwing her over my shoulder, all hulk like, and dragging her back to my cave of pleasure.

My dick twitched painfully in the tight confines of my jeans, and I held my arms open wanting her to come sit on my lap. She carried a fleece throw with her. _Absofuckinglutley perfect._ She scurried towards me, her head ducked and her eyes flashing about over our friends' amused faces before she hopped into my lap and directly on my straining cock.

"Edward, can you take your keys and stuff out of your pockets? They're digging into me." I almost choked.

Emmett howled and buckled over, "Baby Bells, I don't think he has anything in his front pockets. Little Eddie must just be super excited to see you."

I glared at him and grabbed the blanket from her hands. She was just sitting there looking all dazed and shit, and I worried Emmett and his big fucking mouth had scared the living daylights out of her. I prayed he hadn't and pulled the blanket over her legs and wrapped it around her waist. Then, as covertly as possible, I adjusted myself, and for the first time ever, despised not being able to control my lower anatomy better.

"Don't worry, Sailor, I'm not opposed to helping a fellow human out in dire times of need," Bella whispered into my ear, before planting soft, speckled kisses down my throat and up to my lobe.

I gulped and clutched at the arms of my chair. "What time is it?" I yelped, sounding like a wounded animal or something equally as pathetic.

"Almost ten, why?"

"No reason." Two more hours and I could safely say I was tired and drag not-so-bashful Bella back to our tent and have my wicked way with her. The minutes couldn't go by fast enough.

"So, now that Eddie's pre_dick_ament is no longer a laughing matter, back to the Lauren thing. Someone enlighten me, please," Alice chirped, throwing me an evil little grin and snickering.

"Well, you see, I work in the office filing papers and answering phones before school," Rose began, "and I forgot something in there. So, after that spectacle of a no-go game, I went to go get my phone. Lauren was in the office with Mr. Ruckus, along with a police officer. Seems our little 'Miss skank a lot' has been dabbling in E and took a little too much and couldn't tell the difference between a football player and a janitor." Rose stopped there, busting into loud, un-womanly guffaws. Bella stared on wide eyed and Jasper just looked somber. Emmett fell into his chair beside Rose and laughed along with her and Alice, well; Alice had a smug look on her face and just nodded her head.

"See, I so told you she was a waste of air. Who does that to their self? Gets so messed up they don't have any inclination of what is actually going on around them?

"So, what's going to happen to her? And I get she was messed up, but what the hell was the janitor thinking making out with a high school student? And what was with that spray paint?" Bella piped in, finally joining in on the conversation.

I cleared my throat and decided it was time to confess, "I'm not too sure about the janitor or what will happen, but ummm... the spray paint... that might have been me."

"Edward Anthony Cullen, what a little rebel you are turning out to be. Defacing school property. Was that her real number?"

I nodded and shrugged my shoulders. "Wait, I never did get a chance to read it, just what did you spray paint on the field, Edward?

"Oh, Bella, you miss all the good stuff. He wrote, 'Call for a good time' and her number," Alice interrupted, grinning from ear to ear. "And it so suits her. Way to grow some balls, Edward." Alice jumped up and high-fived me. Not the reaction I was expecting, but it worked.

Emmett chose that moment, that very instant, to break my little, blissful bubble. To make me second guess everything, to make Bella wary.

"So, Eddie, did Mom give you the news?"

I raised my brow at him, "What news?"

"No shit, she didn't get a chance to tell you?" Emmett got out of his chair and came over to us. He patted me on the back and smiled down at me, some weird, twisted look of pride on his face.

"You got in. You'll be spending the whole summer there, and if you prove yourself, they'll offer you a permanent placement there."

I gaped stupidly at him. I didn't need him to tell me what he was talking about. I had only applied to one school. I didn't even bother wasting my time with any others.

"What are you rambling about, Emmett? Where did Edward get in to?" Bella asked.

Shit! Bella. I begged and pleaded with my eyes for him to keep his big mouth shut, but to no avail.

"Julliard, of course. Our little Eddie is a musical prodigy, didn't you know?"

Bella didn't respond, in fact, she barely said a word after that for the rest of the evening; and as everyone was packing up and getting ready for bed two and a half hours later, my heartbeat picked up and threatened to patter right out of my chest. This was it; I was sure of it. Now she would want nothing to do with me. Julliard was too far away, and she would realize long distance relationships just didn't work. I was going to lose her before I truly had her. I stumbled behind Bella; crippling pain engulfed me as I watched her slip silently into the tent, knowing my Bella, my love, my future, would momentarily be my past.


	7. Chapter 7

**TSV Chapter 7 -**

I scampered back towards the fizzling fire pit and popped open the cooler. I opened one of the liquor bottles in there, not even paying attention to which one it was- and screwed the cap off. I winced as I gulped the burning liquid greedily. If I was going to go into that tent and listen to the girl I just figured out was the object of my affection, shoot me down before we ever had a chance, well, then I needed a bit of liquid courage. My ego deserved that kind of armor.

"Edward…. Pssst, Edward, are you coming?" Bella's soft, timid voice started me. I dropped the bottle and kicked it back with my heel, not wanting her to see how much of a coward I actually was.

"Yeah, sorry. I just forgot something," I called back, scanning the area for anything that might be mine to bring back with me. I spotted my keys and scooped them up before I jogged back towards the tent.

Without a second thought, I threw myself through the open flap and chuckled when I noticed I was now sprawled out all over Bella. She looked at me with shock written all over her face. I chuckled louder and curled into a fetal position as I clutched at my stomach.

"Just what, might I ask, is so darn funny to cause you to blindly body check me?" Bella gasped, now laughing along with me.

I sputtered and grunted a few times as I climbed off of her. I let my hands roam over her legs, telling myself I was checking for any injuries. She had the most sinful curves, not very defined; she could never be considered an hourglass, but they were there, and they were absolutely enticing. I swear in that moment, her body fucking called to me, sang to me. I smirked and plopped down beside her, "Looks like you're all intact." I slid into my sleeping bag and adjusted myself. How embarrassing would it be for a guy to admit the simple touch of a girl caused him to throb painfully with desire and need?

Awkward silence lay heavy in the tent between us, so I kept to my side of the tent and feigned sleep as I listened to Bella's soft breaths come out in spurts, until they finally evened out and became light, wispy sighs. I knew I was being a coward, but I just didn't want to hear the 'I can't do this' thing. I couldn't face the rejection. Not this time; not from Bella. Lauren was one thing. It hurt, it stung, it bruised my male-ego. But Bella's rejection, I am sure, would destroy me. Leave me a broken, useless excuse for a being and unable to ever truly open up to another person. It would cripple me. I would sooner ignore her; avoid her, until I could safely escape to New York. At least that way, I could delude myself into believing we were something; that_ she_ was still _my_ something.

I rolled over, wanting to watch her sleep, drink her appearance in and memorize every last inch of her face. Now that I realized I wanted this girl as more than a friend, I wanted to take the time to remember every last detail. I had to squint into the darkness, and could only make out bits and pieces of her when the flicker of the dying flames outside the tent were brightest; the small crinkle near the corner or her left eye made me think about her laughter – they crinkled so much more when she flung her head back in pure happiness or amusement.

I let my eyes follow the loose strands of her long chestnut hair. I couldn't see the back of it, because she was lying on her side facing me, but some of those loose strands lay mere inches from my face, and I couldn't help but reach my fingers out and twirl the soft curls at the ends of them around my fingers.

So soft… I drew my brows together as I mulled over the fact that the second I touched the strand and twirled, her nose crinkled, almost as if in reaction to my touching a part of her.

I begrudgingly withdrew my hand and sighed into the cool night air, as the eerie flickers died down and darkness consumed the tent.

No longer able to see her, I decided now was as good of a time as any. I had to let go, to run, to hide, in order to save myself. It was selfish and cruel, but the only option I could see plausible to save any last bit of my pride, my sanity… my heart.

As quietly as possible, I gathered up my few belongings, rolled up my sleeping bag and turned to face where Bella lay sleeping, one last time.

Traitorous tears shimmered at the edge of my eyes, betraying the strong façade I was trying to hold onto and slipped silently down to my trembling lips. I swiped furiously at them. Angered to show such emotion over something that I couldn't control… I couldn't have.

I inhaled a deep shaky breath and turned to exit the tent. Without turning around I whispered words that made my heart crack and sink within my aching body, "I love you, Bella. I'm so sorry I couldn't be the right one. Goodbye."

I stepped through the loose flap and turned to zip it back up, no longer trying to field off the rampant tears now blurring my vision. My hands shook violently, and my breathing became labored and painful. A pain I had never felt before in all my eighteen years tore and clawed its way through me, almost causing me to fall to my knees. I gasped and sputtered and had to struggle with my shaky hands to grasp hold of the zipper. I was pathetic. Weeping like a small, defenseless child, when I was a full grown man, strong and independent and able to take on the world. Who was I kidding? I was none of those things. I felt small and alone and not even able to fight of a firefly in my current state. How the hell had Bella taken such complete hold over my very ability to live in such a short period of time?

_She has always wielded this kind of power over you, Edward. You just never saw clearly enough to understand._

Fucking annoying, know-it-all voice. I needed it to shut the fuck up already. It did nothing but constantly make me realize how much of a fool I have been. How I had not just failed myself, but Bella, and us.

I jumped and clutched at my chest, as something grabbed hold of my outstretched arm, and landed with a thud on my ass.

"I…I didn't mean to startle you. Are you okay? Where are you going, Edward? Please…please don't leave me," Bella's soft pleading voice quivered and faded as soft sniffles filled the air.

"Bella, I thought you were asleep. Are you okay? Why are you crying?" Fear and guilt collided and consumed me, filled me and rattled me to the core. Had I just been about to leave her there when something was obviously wrong?

Her hand tightened around mine and tugged at me gently. I knew going back in that tent would be my undoing, but I couldn't say no to her. She was upset, possibly hurt, and she needed me, wanted me.

"Yes, I am hurt. I feel like I'm… breaking…or missing…I can't breathe. It hurts, Edward, so much."

I crawled back into the tent and fumbled around along the edges to find the lantern. Once my hand came in contact with it, I turned it on, and was met with Bella's scared expression; seeing her so scared, so vulnerable, hurt, I immediately pulled her trembling form into my side and, once again, checked her over.

"Is it because of earlier? Did I hurt you? Why didn't you tell me?" I growled at her. I was angry and didn't mean to come off so rude, but if she was hurt, she should have said something.

My fingers probed over her arms and legs and back and rib cage. I never once stopped to think that maybe Bella didn't want me to be touching her in these places. Nor that maybe touching those places was inappropriate. All I could think of was somewhere she was hurt, and I needed to help her.

"Edward, stop! You didn't hurt me when you came in the tent. You hurt me when you went to leave the tent," Bella whispered as she pulled my hand off of her leg and clung to it with both of her chilly hands.

"On my way out of the tent, but…I…no…I didn't even touch you." I struggled to recount every single motion I had made as I had gathered my belongings. I knew I had gone nowhere near her. How the hell…

"I was awake, Edward," she interrupted my train of thought and left my mind whirling with a whole new line of internal questioning. Did she mean the whole time? Or had I woken her while I tried to slink off into the night?

"I…uh…" what was I supposed to say to that? Admit my cowardly ways or lie? Did I have any other options?

"I love you, Edward. I…can't act like I don't anymore. It hurts too much to see you every day and not act on my feelings, not touch you. You are the right one, Edward. You're the only one."

I gasped, and my eyes widened in shock, in shame. She had been awake, and she had heard me. And her words…they were so perfect and sounded so sincere, and were everything I wanted to hear and more…but how….

"I got accepted to NYU and have already sent back my acceptance. I'll be going there for four years, Edward. I'll be in New York for four years, at least." It was like she somehow knew all of my doubts and had the most simple, perfect answers to them.

I almost walked away. I almost gave up and let go of the first thing in a long time to ever bring me this kind of happiness. I bowed my head in shame and gently squeezed her hand. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know…I should have asked. I'm such a… I don't deserve…I should have tried…"

"You were scared; I get that. I forgive you. Please stay with me. Give us a chance," Bella pleaded softly as she crawled into my lap and straddled me, leaving me gaping and twitching and at a loss for words. I snapped my mouth open, words…some words…I am not sure what words…sat on the tip of my tongue, were about to roll off, but then…her lips…they were on mine, and they were so soft and so right, and I couldn't speak, couldn't think…just feel.

"Mmm, Bella," I groaned as I just let go and felt everything… her… us… this. I wrapped my arms around her and locked my hands on her ass as she ground mercilessly on my fast awakening bulge. The soft moan that came from her, ghosted across my ear. It was just too much. So erotic, so simple…I gently pushed her onto her back and hovered above her, staring into her eyes as I slowly lowered my lips to hers.

_So beautiful._

I lost all thoughts, all sense of right and wrong; the only thing urging me on, controlling me, were the whimpers and grunts and moans coming from Bella. I ran my hands along her sides, ground my aching cock into her hot core and nipped at her lips and her neck, down her throat to that indented soft spot where her pulse pattered rapidly. I licked, I sucked, I moaned, and then my hand was cupping one of her breasts and it was so soft, not big, not small; they fit so right in my hand. Just right, as if they were made specifically for my hands and my hands only. Bella arched into me. I hissed in pleasurable pain and nudged the collar of her shirt with my nose, my tongue lapping out, desperate to make contact with her pert peaks.

"Edward…."

The sound of my name never sounded so good, so raw…

"Edward!"

I jerked my head up, only now realizing Bella had been trying to get my attention. Not moaning out my name, but calling to me. I stilled my hands and hovered over her, frozen in panic. Had I gone too far? Pushed her? Did something she didn't want? Did I ever even fucking ask her what she wanted?

"Edward I need you to…."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8- TSV**

"Edward, I need you to…please, I don't know what. I just need more." Bella's words caused of rush of relief to run through me, followed closely by a surge of hormones. She needed me. I needed her. We could make this work, and we could be together. Tonight wouldn't be the only night there was for us.

I smirked down at her and leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. "I need more, too." With that said, I began peppering kisses on her shoulder, along her collarbone and into the valley between her small, pert breasts. Bella's panting and small whimpers drove me wild. I wanted nothing more than to tear off her clothing and ravage her, but that wouldn't be right, not for our first time together, and maybe…shit! Was Bella virgin? How did I not know that answer?

I froze as that thought entered my mind. I had to ask. I needed to know. A part of me prayed she was still untouched that way, the part of me that saw red at the thought of another man touching her soft skin and being with her like that; but another part of me considered the implications of what her being a virgin would mean. I would be her first, and she would be mine. I wasn't completely inexperienced or anything, but still, would she be disappointed with my performance? What if I put it in and fucking came right then and there? Not to mention that I would have to carefully control myself. I couldn't just slam my cock into her the way I wanted to. We would have to wait until another time, a better more suitable time. And fuck! That would so fucking suck.

"Edward, is something wrong?" Bella's soft voice startled me, and I realized I had my head between her breasts, but was lost in my thoughts. _Good one, Cullen!_

I smiled reassuringly up at her and, once again, placed a soft, chaste kiss on her pouty, pink lips. "No, of course not. It's just…umm. Bella, have you...are you sure… am I your...?

Bella interrupted me by giggling. Fucking giggling! Here I am, half naked with a raging hard on, and the girl of my dreams is fucking laughing at me. I'm sure my pride should be mutilated right about now, but all I could do was laugh along with the hilarity in the moment.

"Oh, Edward. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. Come here." Bella pulled me by the arm and wrapped her small arms around me as I lay back down between her legs.

Her bright eyes danced with mischief as she gazed up at me with the biggest shit-eating grin on her face. "You're too cute. You know that?"

"Ummm.."

"I wasn't actually expecting a response, ya know." _Of course not!_

"No, I'm not a virgin." I felt my lips tighten and my eyes slant as she said this, as if it were nothing. When really, it was everything. It meant someone else had lain between her sweet thighs and touched her and kissed her and …

"I've only been with one other person, and it was only one time. It hurt, and then it didn't, and I never even came. But I thought it was right at the time and went with it. He was a friend of mine from creative writing class in freshman year. I was young and stupid, and my hormones were in overdrive. He stopped talking to me the next day, and I dropped the class. So, enough with the emo look. I want you and only you, but most of all, I want you to replace that memory for me. I want tonight to be about the beginning of something real and right, and I want it to shadow over the one night of grunts and awkward movements the concept of sex currently holds for me."

With that, Bella handed me a small foil package. I grinned, ear to ear. I didn't need to hear anymore. I understood the need to just move forward and let go of all the shit that really didn't matter. I was just happy as fuck it was me she wanted to do that with.

I pulled her into a somewhat sitting position and fiddled with the hem of her small top, waiting to make sure it was okay, even though I was pretty sure it was. She nodded shyly at me, and I had to marvel at how quickly she could go from being bold and sassy to shy and insecure.

I pulled her shirt over her head and gasped when I realized she was now bare from the waist up in front of me. Of course she was. She didn't wear a bra to bed just like most girls.

I stared. I couldn't help it. My hand moved slowly over her soft, smooth skin, across her slighting protruding pelvic bones, to her barely dipped in belly button, she squirmed a bit when my hands ran up her sides. Apparently Bella was seriously ticklish. I'd have to remember that one.

Bella's one hand came up and wound into my hair and the other tugged at the drawstring on my sleep pants. I groaned as she accidentally rubbed against my hard on, and her eyes darted up to mine. She looked all coy and shit, and it made me want her all the more.

Within seconds, we were both naked and staring hungrily at each other; her leaning up on her elbows and me sitting on my haunches between her slightly parted legs. It was dark in the tent, so I couldn't see as much as I wanted, but I could clearly see that she was shaven, completely, and holy fuck, I couldn't take it anymore.

There was no overdone foreplay, or tentative touches between us. I leaned forward, and she immediately reached down and positioned me between her wet folds. I hissed at the feeling, and knew I had to take this slow or it would end way too quickly. She was so hot already, and I wasn't even inside of her, but Bella had other ideas, and before I could pull back, she thrust up towards me, and I just slid right the fuck in. So deep and so wet and… "God, Bella. I'm not going to last long if you keep grinding like that."

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to stop?"

"No…Yes…fuck. You just feel so fucking good. How about we slow our pace a bit?"

Bella nodded, and I felt her relax back, letting me set the pace, and shit, slow or not, it was fucking amazing. I didn't need to let her adjust to me. There was nothing uncomfortable about the way we moved together. Not too tight, just fucking perfect. I had heard many things about what sex felt like, from Em, from magazine and movies, but damn I never knew. Fuck, it just felt fucking mind blowing. No amount of prep talk from my brother could have ever prepared me for this.

I tried to keep my thoughts platonic, thinking that might help me last a bit longer, not look so fucking pathetic and inexperienced. It worked, for a bit, but then Bella let out a sound that resembled a kitten fucking mewling, and I lost it. My lips crashed into hers in the dark tent, teeth clanging almost painfully, and I just let go, grunting and moaning and showing her in every way possible how fucking amazing this felt and how much she meant to me.

Our lips never parted as we moved in tandem with each other. Soft moans slipping off her tongue as it tangled with mine and deep grunts and the occasional hiss pouring from my mouth into hers, and then she reached down and began fucking playing with herself, and holy shit, it was the sexiest fucking thing I had ever seen. I couldn't hold off. Her fingers moved faster as I picked up my pace. My thrusts became erratic, and my head lolled sideways onto my shoulder as I came with an intensity I had never felt when I had jerked myself off. It was fucking mind blowing. And as I came down from it, I was already thinking about when we could be together like this, again.

-OOooOO-

The next two weeks pretty much flew by in a lust filled cloud of make out sessions and mundane classes that held next to no importance now that our final grades had been submitted. Teachers liked to still try the whole "If you fail this work, you'll fail this class," but I knew better. Our grades had to be turned in by the end of May so the registration office had time to type up our report cards and make recommendations and all that shit. _Nice try, Mr. Banner._

Things with Bella were great, who am I kidding, beyond great. We held hands and snuck kisses against her locker in between classes and skipped lunch periods altogether, instead sneaking around the back of the school and groping each other through our clothes.

Now that I knew what real attraction felt like, I couldn't get enough of her. Her sweet kisses and soft sighs. Her big, deceitfully innocent, brown eyes. Her sly smile and contagious laugh. Everything about her made my insides feel all twisted, and I swear butterflies began singing around me. It was some sick ass girly shit, and I knew it, but fuck, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the hell out of it.

Prom was next week, and I knew I should ask Bella. I wanted to, in fact, I just assumed she would go with me. Apparently, I assumed wrong, because when I showed up at school today with a slight chubby and every intention of rubbing one off on Bella's thigh behind the school, I got another thing coming. Alice had shaken her head at me and mumbled something about me not knowing how good of a thing I had as she humphed past me in the parking lot. Then Rose actually came up and smacked me open-handed across the face. No explanation, no warning, and, fuck, that shit stung. My chub was now officially limp. When I finally got over the shock of what had just happened and the burning heat on my cheek was beginning to subside, I saw Bella crossing the lot. I instantly forgot all the weird shit with Rose and Alice and felt my chest constrict and my whole face pull into a huge grin. A grin that faltered into a frown of confusion just as quickly as it had come.

Bella had big, oversized sunglasses on her face. Ones I had never once seen on her before and a small frown on her lips. Her shoulders were slumped as if in defeat, and if I hadn't called her name, I'm sure she wouldn't have even seen me standing there with her head hung and her eyes on her feet.

"Not now, Edward. I'm going to be late for class." _Say what?_

Not once in the past two weeks had we gone a single morning without at least a quick kiss. Hell, I even drove over to her house every Saturday and Sunday morning and waited with a coffee in my hand until she peeked her adorably drowsy face out the front door and gave me a small peck on the lips before I headed off to practice with the guys.

"Bella, wait!" I took off after her on unsteady legs. Something was wrong. I just knew it. I just hoped to hell it wasn't something that would warrant her giving up on us already.

Bella's steps faltered as I jogged towards her, but when I was right at her side, she began walking again.

"What the fuck, Bella? Are you ignoring me or some shit?" My insecurity flared up in me and, being the stunted creature that all men were, I released it in the form of anger. Directly at the one person I would never want to intentionally hurt…ever again.

Bella finally turned to face me then. With shaky hands she reached up and removed the big, flunky glasses and my heart caught in my throat. Bella's eyes were almost swollen shut and the rims were bright red and there were splotchy pink spots dotting over black bags under them.

What the hell had happened?

"Holy fuck, Bella. What happened to you? Did someone hurt you? I swear, I'll fucking kill the mother-fucking ass…"

"Edward, just stop. Please. I am not ignoring you. I just have to get over the fact that I am going solo to the fucking prom because my boyfriend is the world's biggest douche, and I am the world's biggest fucking moron for falling in love with said douche. Now, if you don't mind. I am going to my fucking art class."

I stood completely dumbfounded as Bella quickly replaced her sunglasses and stalked off to class. Bella didn't swear too often. Sure, once in awhile she would drop the f'bomb, and every fucking time it caught me off guard, just the same. But today, well, she had sworn numerous times and all directed solely at me.

What the fuck just happened?

Did I just get dumped?

No, Bella wouldn't leave me…would she?


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 TSV-**

_What..the..fuck just happened?_

I stood gaping as Bella stomped off into the school. I had no fucking clue what she was going on about, or why she was mad. Hell, I was pretty sure I hadn't even done a single thing wrong. But with the looks Alice gave me, the welcome I received from Rose, and the cold shoulder snub fit from Bella, well, obviously I had or hadn't done something. And prom? What the fuck was that about? Of course, I hadn't asked her yet. She hadn't even given me the chance to ask her, and why would I have to anyway? It's not like we would go with anyone else besides each other, now that we were officially together.

Girls! Why do they have to be so dramatic and frustrating?

My feet began to move in the direction Bella had stormed off to. Yeah, I should go apologize, make things better. Kiss and make-up, so to speak.

The bell rang just as I reach the art room door. I was now officially late for class. If I hurried, I could make it before the teacher would require me to go to the office for a late slip. I could hear the teacher in Bella's class handing out their work, she was busy, there was a teacher in there, and I mean seriously, it's not like I could talk to her right now anyway.

I turned and bolted the other way - towards English and a chance to get my head on straight. Who knew dating could be so fucking complicated?

The longer I sat in class, not listening to the teacher, the longer I had to stew over Bella and her apparent conclusion jumping. And let me tell you, the longer I thought about that, the more I decided she could go fuck herself. I didn't need those kind of expectations in my life. How was a guy supposed to know he had to ask a girl to a dance the very second it was announced when said dance would be? I mean, it's completely unrealistic, and she was totally at fault here. I had other shit to worry about, like the big game performance re-do and the fact that, in just under a month, I would be heading off to the big city to work my ass off and gruel over my music in order to get accepted full time into the school of my dreams. That was my life's goal: To make it big and go somewhere with my passion. And if Bella was going to hinder that possibility in any way, well, maybe I should cut my losses and take a moment to ground myself. Get my head in the game. There would be plenty of time for girls later, after I had finished school, met my goals, and made a name for myself.

My chest constricted painfully at the thought of not being able to touch Bella again, or smell her sweet watermelon scent, or listen to her soft laugh, or have her smile that megawatt smile at me. And I almost…almost said fuck it and ran to her, but then, as if it were a sign of some sort, the teacher called my name.

I jerked my head up and shrugged my shoulders helplessly. I had no idea what he had asked me, and I sure as fuck wasn't going to try to bullshit my way through it, either. I knew how Mr. Purdy was, and that meant I knew he would flip his shit if I tried to weasel my way out of being busted for not paying attention. So, best to just take it in stride and hope he goes easy on me.

"Mr. Cullen, do you have more important things to be spending your time thinking about right now?"

Surprisingly, he was actually waiting for an answer. What do I say to that? Yes, in fact I do?

"Umm…"

"No, I didn't think so. And I'm pretty sure I heard somewhere you got accepted into Julliard. They have a no tolerance policy, Cullen. So, get your head out of the clouds, boy, and focus on what's really important."

It was like in that instant it all clicked, no matter how much I _thought_ Bella meant to me, my future was what I should be focusing on. I was only eighteen and had my whole life ahead of me. A life that could very well turn out to be a horrific version of 'trailer trash Cullen' if I didn't get my head out of my ass.

Twenty minutes later, when class ended, I was resolved. I knew it would hurt, and I knew it wouldn't be easy, but whether Bella had broken up with me or not, I was going to make sure it was over, and I was going to go to the game and put on one helluva show with the guys. I was going to head off to Julliard with no distractions and no one waiting back home for me with unrealistic expectations.

-OOooOO-

_Calm down, Cullen. This is second nature to you. No need to be nervous._

It was but a few minutes until half time, and the time when our band would go out there - in the middle of the field - and bare our souls to the entire student body, and yes, I realize I had played many times before, in front of audiences much bigger, but, today, it would be in front of everyone I had ever known. The people I had grown up with. My family. Have I mentioned my father wasn't terribly supportive of my career path? Well, he isn't. He may not be dead set against it, nor has he tried to squash my hopes and dreams, but he has made it plenty clear that he wishes I would follow in his footsteps, go to medical school, become a doctor, and leave jamming as just that, jamming with the guys when time permits.

He has never even heard me play; tonight would be the first performance he has ever showed up to, and, in all honesty, he was probably only here to see Emmett play, not my band.

Mr. Ruckus' loud booming voice, calling out Neon Moon, jarred me from my thoughts. "Come on, dude, we so have this. Let's go show this town how to end the school year with a bang."

I shook my head in an attempt to clear it and grabbed my guitar that was leaning against the wall. Seth grabbed the extension cords, which were already plugged in, and some freshman with a face full of acne helped him haul out his drum set. Jacob grabbed his guitar and amp and motioned for me to follow. One last staggered breath and I was all smiles and waves as the crowded stadium stands erupted into raucous cheers and hooted encouragements.

Four minutes and eighteen seconds was how long it took to set up our shit. The noise level had dropped considerably and was now nothing but a jumble of people's chatter. My nerves were strung, and I felt like I was about to explode. I didn't dare look to the left of the stands, where I knew my parents would be sitting, my mother smiling and clapping and winking, and my father all frowns and disappointment. I just couldn't bear to see him look at me like that on such an important day.

Prom was over; I didn't even bother going. Alice wasn't speaking to me. Rose was being her usual aloof self, and Bella…well, Bella was a whole different story. She acted as if nothing had ever happened between us. As if none of it ever even mattered, and as much as I hated to admit it, it hurt like fucking hell to know that she never really cared. She walked around school with her head held high and still smiled at everyone. She said hello to me in the halls when we passed each other. Pretty much, she acted as she did before we kissed, before we claimed to love each other, before we made love, and fuck if it wasn't a kick in the face when she said yes to James Hunter when he asked her to prom the day after our blowout. I never even got the chance to talk to her and tell her what I was feeling or that I thought we should take some time, give each other some space because of school and shit. She just never answered her phone, and the next thing I knew, Emmett was laughing in my face because she was going to prom with the school's most notorious jock. And tomorrow, tomorrow I would leave for New York, and I would forget about Bella and prove to my father and the muscle jocks and all the easy Laurens that I was not someone to be laughed at; I was someone to be remembered.

"First, we'd like to thank Mr. Ruckus for his amazing taste in music and for the opportunity to play for all you fine folks tonight." I waited while the crowd clapped and cheered and smiled back when Mr. Ruckus beamed our way.

"And, secondly, I'd like to take a moment and wish all the graduating seniors the best of luck in the journey that is college. May life bring you many road blocks, but may the wisdom you take with you from here be enough to get you through them." _And of course let's all pray I get into Julliard so I don't have to come back to this God-forsaken town next year._

"This is something new, something near and dear to me."

I closed my eyes and let Jacob's beginning cords transform me to another place, a place where it was just us, and we were jamming and no one was judging, and I just was.

And without opening my eyes, I let it all out. With words, I showed the entire town who I was and how I ticked.

_When I was a young boy_

_I was honest and I had more self control_

_If I was tempted I would_

_Run_

_Then when I got older I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted when I wanted it_

_And I wanted it_

_Now I'm having trouble differentiating between what I want and what I need to make me_

_Happy_

_So instead of thinking I just act before I have a chance to contemplate the consequence of_

_Action_

And I will turn off

And I will shut down

Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground

And I will turn off

And I will shut down

The chemicals are restless in my head

Girls in the stands whooped and swooned, and it was such a surreal moment. I prayed it would be my last one in this town and that this is how I would go out. As the guy in the band who proved he was worth more than a simple glance, a small snicker, a snide look. I would be the next 'it' guy, and my band mates and I would become legendary, above the snarky comments and the popular cheerleaders who scoffed at us and the jocks who ridiculed us. I would be bigger than them, and I would get out of this town while they would stay stuck here and become the next Mr. Ruckus, living vicariously through the next generation of high school students.

We moved seamlessly into our next and last song, taking but a moment to appreciate the crowd's applause.

I knew Mr. Ruckus was going to shit bricks, but as usual, I was more interested in going out with a bang. So, I nodded to my confused band mates when they heard the beginning chords I belted out of my guitar, to let them know, I was indeed doing this. It would not affect them in any way; they went to school on the Res, and therefore, the public board could not touch them academically.

_Do you have the time, To listen to me whine,_

_About nothing and everything all at once?_

_I am one of those_

_Melodramatic fools,_

_Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it_

_Sometimes I give myself the creeps,_

_Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me,_

_It all keeps adding up,_

_I think I'm cracking up!_

_Am I just paranoid?_

_Am I just stoned?_

I made the mistake of looking into the stands. My eyes immediately connected with Bella's, and what I saw there left me feeling unsettled and small. Tears glistened in her eyes, the eyes that, beyond the tears, looked scared and sad. The eyes I had once considered the entryway to her true beauty, now looked like empty shells of the girl I had once known, and it slammed into me like a two ton truck in that moment. Bella was not okay. Bella was not happy without me, and she was not moving on with James. Bella was just doing what Bella had to do to get by and move on with her pride intact.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 – TSV**

**End of August, 1999**

It had been fifty-five days, nineteen hours and thirty seven seconds since I left Forks, since I left _her_.

I didn't know what to make of my epiphany at the final game, but I didn't like the way my thoughts had gone either way. If Bella, indeed, was not as happy as she was trying to let on, well, too bad for that shit. I wasn't one for playing games. And that would be exactly what it was for her, playing games. In love, there should be no saving face, no secrets, and no games. If she wasn't happy, she should have said something. And going to Prom with that slimy James Hunter, yeah, that was in no way showing she missed me...us.

My first instinct was to run to her, to beg her to let me know what the hell was going on inside of that pretty little head of hers. But by the end of the show, I had come to the conclusion that I shouldn't have to beg. She should be mature enough to share.

Emmett had told me Bella was upset because I didn't ask her to the dance. I had argued that she never gave me the chance to before her flip fit. He nodded and gave me a sympathetic look and said something about, "That's just the way girls are, dude." I didn't fare well with that explanation. If anything, it solidified my plan of not contacting her at all, a clean break, so to speak. Girls were too finicky, demanding, expecting. They gave nothing and expected everything in return. I mean, I _was_ only a human boy, what did she take me for, a mind reader?

I would be away for the whole summer, and she- she would be going to college in a year, while I would be staying home, unless, of course, I got accepted to continue on at Julliard. It never would have worked anyway, right?

Today should have been the happiest day of my life. It would still be, if it weren't for the barrage of images and thoughts and memories of her invading my every waking minute.

New York had been a great experience for me. I loved the big city, with all the bright lights and the fast paced environment. It took me one stupid mess up to learn quickly and rudely about the integrity of the people who resided here. I had moronically left my prized possession, my guitar, on the sidewalk while I went to help a little girl who had fallen while running across the road, and in that five minute act of kindness, some creep had taken my baby.

Mom and Dad were sympathetic and immediately wired me enough money to go to the store and buy whatever guitar I wanted to replace it, which I was grateful for. Not everyone was that fortunate, but it wasn't the same. _That_ guitar had seen me through thick and thin. It had been with me through my fumbling- finger stage, and saw me through my first awkward concert, all the way to Julliard. And now it was gone; probably at some pawnshop, where some speed addict had got a mere hundred for her to get his fix for the day. I no longer trusted the people of New York, but I trusted the feeling the smog corroded air filled me with; Freedom and chance, and that was enough for me to suck it up and keep going.

I had expected to be packing to return home today. Instead, I was one of the two out of fifty, who had applied to win a scholarship to stay. I was handed the opportunity to finish out my high school days and continue into my college years at one of the most renowned music schools in all of the United States, and I was ecstatic. This was more than I ever could have hoped for. No going back to Forks and living with Mommy and Daddy, no going to school to be a doctor who wanted to be a musician who wanted to please his daddy because he failed at what really mattered to him in life. No growing up to resent said profession and wind up being a deadbeat bar player on Saturday nights- when not on rotation at some god-awful hospital- singing washed up band's songs and smoking big fatties just to get through the day as the you you turned out to be. And still, I couldn't bring myself to truly smile. I missed her. I yearned for her. My heart beat for her and her alone. But I couldn't have her. She had rejected me, and I had rejected her in turn. It was a game of tug of war. It was painful. It was cruel to our own hearts and to each other, and in the end, we had both fallen. I had lost the one thing in my life, aside from music, that could make me truly happy. And she...well,_ she_ could be anywhere by now.

I kicked off my shoes and flopped onto the cool, springy bed. The scholarship offer clutched tightly in my hand as I rolled over, closed my eyes and willed my mind to shut down and finally allow me some good, hard sleep.

**February, 2000**

"Come on, Eddie. You never want to do anything. You`ve said you don`t have a girl back home. So, what the fuck, dude? Why the cockblock? Do a friend a solid just this once."

I sighed heavily and ran my hands through my hair. My roommate, James, was right. I was a fucking boring, sad excuse for a roommate, and he had always been there for me. Especially, New Years, when I decided stupidly enough to go drinking with a few of the guys from the dorm. I mean, it was the millennium, how many people got to live through that kind of shit? And I almost got busted by The Dean. James had grabbed my drunken ass by the shirt collar and hauled my practically dead weight up two flights of stairs to keep me from getting caught and subsequently expelled. I owed him.

I groaned and looked up at him. Forcing a smile on my face, I asked, "She's hot, right? This is to help you get with Vikki, not some pity date."

"Of course, dude. Seriously, she's smokin'. So, you'll go?" I eyed him warily and had to fight with every bit of common sense in me. James didn't date the kind of girls I would even give a second glance at. He preferred the artsy types. Long scraggly hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in days, baggy clothing and way too much makeup on their faces. I shivered involuntarily just thinking about it.

Yes, this was definitely a onetime deal. One I hoped I didn't live to regret.

"Yes...yes, I'll go, but only because I owe you. You had better snag this Vikki chick and get this shit done with. I won't be pulling a repeat of this ever again. After this, we're even. Got it?"

"Deal. You rock, dude. I'm going to call Vikki now. Friday work for you?" I nodded my head. He knew it did. Besides schoolwork and the odd gig in local bars, I didn't even leave my room, never mind actually go anywhere.

I picked up my guitar and watched lazily as James chatted animatedly on the phone. I had never met this one, Vikki, but I assumed she was like all the rest. All about color and lighting and getting high as a kite to connect with her inner artist or some shit. To be honest, it was all bullshit to me. Alice had been an amazing artist, and she never needed any of that craziness to make her work amazing. These splotchy, wannabe artists just used that shit as an excuse for doing a half-assed job or just flat out sucking.

When James was done on the phone, I grabbed it off the table quickly, before he could snatch it up again, and quickly called home to check in. It had now been eight months since I had been away from home. I didn't bother going home over the holidays, to which I got one hell of an earful from my brother for hurting my mom. But they just didn't understand. It wasn't that I didn't want to see them, if anything, I was 'Mommy-sick' in the worst kind of way, just not enough to go back there. It was _there_ I couldn't deal with, the aching emptiness the thought of Forks forced upon me. I couldn't go back there. I wouldn't. If they wanted to see me, sooner or later, they would come to New York. Valentine's Day was approaching and after that a week of spring break. My voicemail had been cram packed with messages from my mom, begging me to come home. I had been avoiding this call for just over a week now, but it was time to bite the bullet. I had to call and once again break my mother's heart and hope one day she could understand and forgive me.

**July 2000**

"No, mom, I can't just tell them to take their job and shove it. I want to make it on my own. Which means, I can't keep living off you and dad. I need this job. Please try and understand, Mom. I could probably get a couple of days off if you wanted to come here, though."

I pinched the bridge of my nose as my mother's sniffling finally subsided and excitement entered her voice. Dad would have to book time off of work, and they would both have to fly all the way to New York, because I was being petty and childish. I still refused to go back to Forks. I just wasn't ready. I had no clue what I would say to Bella, or if she would even be there. And, I had nothing to show for my time away...yet.

Most of my old group stayed in touch via emails, but not Bella, at least that I knew of. If anyone talked to her, no one mentioned it to me. Sometimes, I was grateful for the absence of her name in their conversations; other times it drove me mad wondering. Wondering if they still talked to her, or how she was doing. I sometimes thought about looking her up and seeing if she ended up accepting the offer to NYU after all. But then I'd vividly remember that look in her eyes the last time I saw her, and that would be the end of that idea. I was a coward. I was a fool, but most of all, I was lonely. I had briefly tried dating James Friend Jess, but she just didn't do it for me. None of the girls at school did. They were either too snotty, or too friendly. Not funny enough, or too sarcastic. All too often, I even found myself literally picking them apart to find reasons why I couldn't date them. Hair too short, nose too long, eyes too big or the wrong color, crooked teeth, creepy laugh, horrifically large feet, gum smacker, giggle-snorter, one boob bigger than the other, chewed fingernails. You name it, I found it, and made the smallest, simplest, most insignificant things out to be deal breakers. Someday, I would have to come to terms with the fact they just could never be _her_, no one could ever be what Bella was to me.

I startled as my mother's voice shrilled in annoyance. She was right; I wasn't listening. I was lost in my Bellaless induced haze, as usual.

"Sorry, Mom. Yep, I'm writing it down right now. See you next week. I miss you, too."

I had had to rent out a small bachelor pad for the duration of the summer. The school had kids in the 'summer only' program in our rooms through the months of July and August, so that left me in this small, shithole of an apartment, working at a small record store downtown to pay the rent. I didn't really need the money, and my mom knew it, but it was the best excuse I could come up with, and it seemed to be working, somewhat, for now.

I didn't even know records were still sold nowadays. I had been sure those large black disks were obsolete by now, but as it turned out, many people still bought them, horded them, played them, and even traded them. I had also learned in the short time I had worked here that some seriously older music was the shit. Dr. Hook, ZZ Top and the Cars now owned me. And Kenny Rogers and Garth Brooks were my idols, and when I listened to that old song 'The Gambler', I pictured myself on stage singing it. The words all mine, the crowd cheering for me, and I would unconsciously find myself singing along to it. And _that_ is exactly how I found out that my boss, the lively old hippie, had once been a part of the road crew that helped set up for concerts for Led Zeppelin and had connections in the music industry. And tonight...tonight he would be holding an open mic night. One that he fully expected me to play at. One that I had every intention of playing at. It was nice to have a male role model encourage me, and I had grown to admire and respect the old man over the last few weeks of working here. I wanted to make him proud, almost as much as I wanted to lose myself in my music and play freely once again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Happy New Year! What was your New Year's Resolution?**

**No one has looked this chap over. Therefore, if there are any mistakes, they are my own. Lemme know if u find any lower case Jasper's in this chap :-P**

**About 4 more chapters to go, dolls. And then this fic is all done.**

**Disclaimer still applies, always has, always will.**

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**TSV – Chapter 11**

**December 25****th****, 2000**

A warm tear slid down my face as I stared out the foggy window of my dorm room. Snow fell rapidly in huge flakes, quickly covering the buildings and cars. The ground now had about eighteen inches sitting atop of it and smaller items like fire hydrants and mail boxes were now buried below its fluffy white.

Most of the dorm had gone home for the holidays. They had left as soon as the semester was over, anxious to get out of school and back home for some relaxation and festive partying. Not me, of course. I agreed to work the pre-Christmas rush and then finally fly back home on Christmas Eve morning.

Upon waking up yesterday morning at the ass-crack of dawn, however, I learned rather quickly that for once, something was on my side.

Planes heading to _anywhere_ from New York were cancelled. Trains and buses were also cancelled and any sane person wouldn't even attempt to drive down the streets. There wasn't a car in sight, nor a person. Everything was shut down, and the rapidly falling snow blocked out most of the light from the street lamps and caused an eerie, faded light to barely break through the bright white on pitch black.

Essentially, Christmas to all who had waited to the last minute to go home, was cancelled. I, being one of those last-minute douches.

My mom, of course, was not happy, but she had said she was relieved I was safe in my room opposed to being on a plane in this blizzard. We had hung up when the phone started crackling with disturbance.

Christmas was now almost over. I couldn't call my family because the lines were out and cell phones were down. Twelve of us remained at the school, one of those people being the principal, the rest being students, just like me, that had foolishly stayed behind for whatever reason until it was too late.

James had gone home and taken Vikki with him. They were still a couple and going strong as far as I could tell. Vikki and I didn't get along the greatest, but we tolerated each other because of James, and that seemed to work, for the most part.

I lay on my bed and stretched out my legs and tucked my arms behind my head and closed my eyes. I was tired. I was lonely. I was weak, and I just wanted to sleep.

"Merry Christmas," I said into the dark night as I dozed off to sleep.

**March 2001**

Spring break was upon us again and this time there was no avoiding my brother. He had decided, along with Rose, Alice and Jasper to come out here and rent a motel room for a week.

I was okay with that. In fact, if I were being honest, I was pretty stoked to have a whole week with them. I could probably do just fine without seeing Rosalie, but I was pretty excited to see my brother and Alice, and Jasper, well, he was with Alice still and apparently closer than ever, so, he was just like a package deal now. Whatever, he seemed cool enough to me.

-OO—

A high pitched squeal drew my attention to the arrival gates, and I braced myself and smiled happily as Alice flew at me in a blur of pink and black and launched herself into my arms. I held her tight and just relished in the smell and feel of her again. It had been too long. Almost two years too long.

"Oh my goodness. Look at you. You've changed so much, and when was the last time you got your hair cut, mister? You look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo." I chuckled and took a good look at her, not letting her words bother me in the slightest. I could do worse than Shaggy. At least she didn't tell me I looked like a Backstreet boy. She was still a little munchkin. Her height had definitely stayed the same, but her face had filled out more. The soft, plumpness to it had shed, and left behind were very sharp and pointed features. She reminded me now more of a beautiful, fine china doll, all porcelain and perfection and art.

Her clothes were expensive looking and almost looked off on her until I saw the telltale paint splatters down the one side of her diamond studded jeans. I smirked and hugged her to my side as Jasper, Rose and Emmett finally emerged through the gates.

We spent the next week sightseeing. I showed everyone around, took them all to the hottest night spots and a dozen other places of interest.

We started their visit off with a bang and one helluva hangover. I had missed so much in their lives. Alice's new art classes, because obviously she was majoring in art. Jasper had apparently switched schools so he could be near her. He even gave up a football scholarship. That tidbit shocked the shit outta me and caused me to drink all the more. I had put back so many shots of Jack that my stomach felt like it was on fire, the burn was so intense. But it was the only thing that kept me from wailing like a little girl and comparing my choices and Jasper's, and of course, not liking the comparison.

Rose had opted to take a job with one of her father's friends at Fashion weekly and spent her days critiquing every last famous person's fashion sense. She took night classes in Fashion Design, and when she said she knew more than anything she could learn in school, I believed her. She had grown up around it all. She knew the ins and outs of the business in ways a school classroom would never be able to teach her, but the little certificate she would get by completing the course was something she wanted to be able to hang on her wall. Emmett was, of course, still playing college ball, but surprisingly enough, he confided in me, in his inebriated state, that he no longer held that burning flame he once had for the game. He was working on the easiest way out without disappointing everyone too much. Luckily, Mom and Dad had paid his way through college instead of him applying for a football scholarship, so he wasn't riding based on his ability to play. Which would make leaving much easier than if he was.

He had told me he switched up his courses and decided to pursue business and accounting. Stating one day, he wanted to run his own taxation business. I never once guessed this about Emmett. I mean, I knew he had a strange obsession with numbers, but to actually use them as an everyday living sort of thing… well, to say I was shocked would be an understatement.

Apparently, he still hadn't mentioned any of this to Mom or Dad, though. He was worried of Dad's reaction, and didn't want to disappoint him. I understood that battle. I had been in that boat of sinking disappointment my whole life.

After we got past our throbbing heads and pulsating eyes, I took them to the Met. I had heard of an amazing exhibit going on that week and thought Alice would be able to appreciate it. I was right. She had walked around in awe, scrutinizing the art pieces and chattering away about different techniques and strokes and such. As always with Alice, I had no clue what she was talking about, but the glimmering shine of excitement in her eyes as she spoke and stared at certain pieces made me feel like a god. I swelled with pride for being the one to bring her such easy joy.

We went to the baseball hall of fame in Cooperstown and each took turns laughing as Emmett practically drooled over used baseballs and blown up signed pictures of his all time favorite players. None of us besides Emmett followed sports, at all. But we could appreciate his obsession considering we each had one of our own.

We spent a day sightseeing. The morning was spent visiting the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. We stopped at some hoity-toity restaurant for lunch near Central Park in the Lincoln Centre, and then spent a couple hours just relaxing and walking the massive grounds of Central Park. Alice insisted we stop at a few stores along 5th Ave, and let's not even get into how torturous that experience was. Let's just say, never-a-fucking-gain. My arms still hurt from hauling so many bags all across the city.

We had spent the rest of that night in, watching movies and playing silly word games.

I truly had missed my friends and brother, and more than once during our night of reminiscing and chortling I had had to chew back the question I wanted to ask them the most. Where the hell was Bella?

I fell asleep that night with dread swirling in my stomach. I feared that my own stubbornness would come back and kick me in the ass one day. I knew I should bite the bullet and just ask. I might lose face and deal with the wrath of Alice Brandon, but at least I'd know for sure that she was okay. I liked to think that if anything was seriously wrong, someone would have had the decency to tell me.

After too many days filled with whirlwind shopping trips, tourist attractions and some serious headaches, we decided to hit the town at night, raise some hell and slam back some shooters.

The only problem was, none of us were of age to do just that, legally, except Rose. Her birthday was in January, so technically, she was almost a year older than my brother, whose birthday was in November.

"Don't worry, guys. I got this." I didn't understand what it was she thought she had, but Emmett just smiled goofily at her, Jasper shook his head and Alice squealed. So, I let it be. If we didn't get in it was no skin off my back, and if we did, well, fucking awesome.

True to her word, Rosalie wore one of the most revealing halters I had ever seen in my young life and sure as the fact that I was a living, breathing male, we got into The LQ Nightclub, no questions asked.

I briefly considered the fairness and equality between males and females and decided if men were superior in strength, then women were surely superior in wits. Men were reduced to salivating, mind-numbed, morons at the mere sight of a decent set of breasts. It was rather insulting, really, but pathetically and factually true.

We spent the night in the VIP lounge, dancing and goofing off. And by the time we staggered down the stairs and out the front door, we were using each other as a choo-choo support system. Don't ask. I really had no explanation for our drunken stupidity. But it was fun, it was them and I, and it was a week I would never forget.

"Fuck, dude, get off of me." I shoved at my hulk of a brother who was sprawled across my legs that I now realized were completely numb, and he groaned and wrapper his hulking arms securely around my one leg and cuddled into it. I laughed, or at least tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a grimace as the overbearing pounding began in the forefront of my head. I clenched my teeth together and used every bit of strength I could muster and gave him one good shove. I chuckled as he rolled and flailed and landed on the floor with a thud, and as soon as I heard him start grunting and throwing around threats of limb dismemberment, I swayed my way into the adjoining bathroom.

Never, and I mean never, has a piss ever felt so good, and I let out a contended sigh of a groan as I relieved my very full bladder.

As I went to zip up my pants a small cramp fluttered down my belly, and I leaned over in relief as I broke wind in the capacity of a thunderous roar.

"Fuck, Edward. Get the fuck outta here, and take your toxic gas with you. I spun around, my one hand still grappling at my junk and almost doubled over from the laughter mixed with the pain that was rolling through me.

In front of me, in all of her glory, was Rosalie Fucking Hale, completely disheveled and covered in her own vomit curled up in the bathtub.

"Get out, you fucker. And if I ever find out your breath a word of this to anyone, I will chop off you nuts and make them into a bead necklace. Now, RUN."

My eyes widened and my laughing erupting into full on belly-aching guffaws, and I damn near fell out of the bathroom door.

"Dude, a bit quieter, will ya? I take it you found Rosie? I didn't want to leave her there, but the second she threatened to spew all over me, I was out like a flash. And you just looked too damn cute all snuggly and cuddly on this big bed all by yourself."

I snorted at him as I clambered toward the small coffee machine and toying with the buttons until it turned on. The smell of coffee filled the air almost instantly, and I sighed in relief as my mouth pooled with the need for caffeine.

"Jasper and Alice are in the next room, through that door. Wanna wake those fuckers up? Alice said some shit about something she had to pick up today, and since it is our last day here, she might want to get her tiny ass out of bed before all the stores close."

"Whatever, Em. If she doesn't get up, she doesn't get to the store." I shrugged.

"No, you don't get it. If Alice doesn't get what Alice wants, she becomes intolerable and inflicts an insurmountable amount of anguish and headache among the rest of us. So, in order to save my own ass, I'm going to tell you one more time, go wake the fucking demon pixie up!"

"Well, when you put it that way…" Emmett gave me that look. The look I hadn't seen since I _accidentally _fell out of the tree house in the back yard of our parents' house after kissing a girl Emmett had a thing for in fourth grade. I chuckled and backed away slowly, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm going."

I backed out slowly, still chuckling to myself, and headed for the adjoining room. I was just about to open the door when Alice's whispered voice said my name. I struggled with my hazed filled brain to catch the words they were saying.

"…we should really tell him, you know. He's going to find out sooner or later, and I'm not too sure I understand why we're keeping it from him in the first place."

"Oh, Jazzy, you're so silly sometimes. We can't tell him because we need him to come back for the wedding, and if he knows in advance, he'll ask questions, and if I answer those questions honestly, then he won't come back. Now, drop it or I'll make you try on a bunch of man-thongs while we're at the store today."

What could she be talking about? What wedding? Whose wedding? And why was she keeping it from me?

I opened the door, anger building in my chest and opened my mouth to demand she fess up and stop hiding shit and playing games, but the second the door opened, she scrambled past me, "We'll meet up with you later, Edward. I have to get some things I ordered or I'll lose my deposit." And with that, Jasper and her strolled down the hall, and with them, taking all the answers I desperately wanted.

I stayed in their room for awhile longer, sitting on the couch and letting my mind fuck with me, going over tortuous scenarios. Had they been talking about Bella? Was Bella getting married? She was so young, only nineteen years old. She was too young for marriage. And why would she invite me to her wedding if she were getting married anyways. I was missing something here; I just wasn't sure what it was, and I wasn't sure I honestly wanted to know. Maybe it would be best just to let it go. Yeah, I could do that.

-OO—

"Where are we meeting Alice and Jasper, and are you guys sure you want to spend your last night out? We could always stay in, then you won't be so tired for the plan ride tomorrow."

Emmett slapped me on the back and chuckled, "Trust me, Eddie, whether I go to bed early or not has nothing to do with the amount of sleep I get." He playfully nudged my shoulder and rolled his eyes in the direction of Rosalie, and I blanched and choked a little when I realized what he was insinuating. "Way too much info, Bro." I chuckled and fell in step behind Rosalie and Emmett.

I was kind of surprised that they had lasted as long as they had. Emmett had so many ideals when he was younger. Always thinking about where he could go, what he could do, and what the next big thing might be. Apparently, Rosalie had squashed that outlook on life right out of him, because all he talked about now was what he could do to make Rosalie happy, how this or that would work with Rosalie's work schedule. Rosalie, Rosalie, Rosalie. I wouldn't be surprised if the next time I saw them she as branding a big, bright, sparkly ring.

As soon as the idea of a wedding popped into my mind, I immediately thought back to overhearing Alice and Jasper earlier, and my mood darkened. Alice had always been like the sister I never had, and knowing she was keeping something from me, scheming and hiding things, made rage seep through my pores. I had never had a reason not to trust her, but now…now I did, and I didn't like the feeling it brewed within me one bit.

"Where are we meeting Alice and Jasper?" I asked again with a frustrated sigh. My feet were beginning to hurt. The dress shoes Rosalie had demanded I wear were pinching my toes. I was pretty sure they were a size too small, and they definitely were not my style. I felt geeky and all kinds of wrong wearing them, but Rosalie had insisted wherever we were going called for dressy attire. So, there I was, walking in the chilly night air, wearing dark washed button-up jeans and a dress coat and dress shoes. Totally dork-worthy.

"Umm, it's just around the corner." Well, that didn't answer my question at all.

Rosalie wasn't lying. Just as we turned the corner, the bright lights of The Bowery Ballroom flashed and danced, and I stopped in my tracks, my brain running a mile a minute. I couldn't figure out what we would be doing here. Maybe, Alice wanted to check out some local bands. That made sense, but why the secrecy and sneakiness to get me here?

"Great, you're here. Come on in, guys."Alice held the front door open and motioned for us to come in. I followed reluctantly and eyed her suspiciously. She had a huge grin on her face and refused to meet my eyes. Yep, something was definitely up.

-OO—

I was beginning to think I was being overly paranoid. We had been at The Bowery Ballroom for just over two hours and everyone was having a great time. I was even having a hard time not laughing along with them as I swallowed back my third beer that Rosalie had been nice enough to sneak to me. Alice said she didn't need to drink to have a good time, and she was right, with or without alcohol in her system, she was a ball of fire tonight. Dancing and clapping to the various artists that were playing.

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, we have a last minute entry in this evening's line up, but I hear it will be very much worth the trouble to squeeze him in. So, please welcome Edward Cullen to The Bowery Ballroom." The beer I had been attempting to swallow spurted out of my mouth and all over Emmett who was sitting directly across from me, and I swear my palms twitched in Alice's direction. That evil, meddling pixie. I could just strangle her for doing this.

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**xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer - ****Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Plagiarism is theft. No copying or reproduction of this one shot is permitted.**

**This story is the sole property of Breath-of-twilight. It may not be copied, published or posted elsewhere without my express written consent which I do not give at this time.**

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

**A/N - Have I mentioned that my readers are the very best, rockin' readers in the TwiWorld? I sure hope I have, because you guys totally are. I love u all to bits. Don't ever forget that :-)**

**Katie and Ann both went over this chapter- so, let's hope I still didn't manage to miss shit- lower-case J's and a capital on fucking 'Adam's apple' grrrrr.**

**Alright, see ya on the flipside.**

**TSV – Chapter 12**

**~∞Ѿ∞~  
**

**June 2001**

The school year ended, and once again, I watched as eager, young musical prodigies vied for the very few scholarships that were offered. A young Native-American won. She had an infectious smile and one hell of an ear for beats and rhythms. She played everything, drums, guitar, the piano, but what she got her free ticket for was the violin. That girl had talent, much more than I. She deserved it. She had earned it. I had seen her in the study room, practicing non-stop, always smiling. I had even seen her at the mall, playing in the wide open, high ceilinged building with her foot pedal attached to her violin and the acoustics in there with her playing absolutely blew my mind.

I gulped audibly as I paced outside the dean's office. I could hear hushed voices debating, calculating, and judging. I could only imagine what they were saying, but none of what they'd say would matter. I was going to do this, no matter their opinion.

Mom was happy. She was glad my dreams were coming true. Dad surprised me and actually chuckled softly while saying, "Well, I'll be damned. Looks like I just may owe you an apology." I didn't need his support, but I do have to say, I feel much better doing what I'm doing knowing I have both my parents on my side, supporting me.

_Alice, that evil little pixie. She had set me up. She had slotted me in at The Bowery Ballroom, and I was furious, and elated, and scared shitless. The room was swimming with agents and talent seekers, critics and judgmental eyes. I almost didn't do it. I almost ran away, do what I do best when things are uncertain, unpredictable, but I didn't. Just when I thought the contents of my stomach might make an appearance, I thought about the big picture. If I bailed now, never again would The Bowery Ballroom let me sign up for open mic night. It was one of the more upscale places in New York that allowed nobodies to play to begin with. The fact that music critics and agents frequented it was a seriously incomparable bonus._

_With the house band, I had closed my eyes, swallowed my insecurities and just let go. Alice had cried when I finished the song and asked me when I had written it. I felt exposed when I told her it was just after I left home. She had that knowing look in her eyes. She knew why I wrote it. She knew who it was about, and for once the pity in her eyes didn't bother me. I was flying high on adrenaline, never had I ever felt the way I did that night. Knowing people who could possibly write about me the next day, people who really mattered in the music world, were judging me. None of it got to me. The whole room had applauded, some girls even standing from their seats to hoot and holler, and it was just like when I was younger. When things were easier and groupies followed us nobodies around. And it felt freeing. I felt like me, once again, for the first time in a long time, since I played for my boss, at that club._

"Mr. Cullen, you can come in now." I unclasped my hands and rose from my seat. The Dean was staring at me, his eyes following my every move. I couldn't tell what the expression he wore was. Disappointment maybe. I hoped not. I could only hope they understood.

"Please, take a seat." I did. I sat there, watching them watch me. It was unnerving.

"Are you sure this is what you want to do, son?"

I acted like I was considering my options. I wasn't. I had made up my mind before even approaching them, before putting in my withdrawal forms. I nodded.

"Alright then. We have a few more forms here that we need you to sign. We will miss you here, but as long as you know this is it. Once you sign these papers, there is no changing this." I gulped, my Adam's apple bobbing wildly, anxiety clogging my airways. "I understand."

Papers were pushed towards me. With steady hands I signed my name, one, two, three times, and let out a heavy sigh. It was done. I was no longer a student at Julliard and never again could be.

"We wish you the best of luck, Mr. Cullen. We are very proud of how far you have come so fast. We are most sure that we will be hearing lots of good things about you."

I smiled, sort of. I tried, and I stuck my hand out and shook each of theirs. One was firm, one was kind of painful, and one made me smile. I walked out of there, returned to my room and gathered my few suitcases, and left the building with hope and excitement scorching my insides.

Monday. In just six days it would be Monday, and I would go over to that massive tall building and begin my new life.

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

**September 2001**

Life was damn near perfect. If only Bella could have been here with me. I had been thinking about her more and more lately. I wasn't sure why, but I was. She was everywhere, in my mind, in my mirror, in the puddles on the sidewalk. Her sad eyes followed me, haunted me; even in my dreams she was there, watching me, her eyes torturing me. I was close to cracking. In fact, I kind of had. I had agreed to go home for Christmas. My mother was ecstatic. My father genuinely shocked. I missed them. I always did. They were never my issue, not really. But now that I was doing grown-up things, making grown-up decisions, and about to lose myself in my life's dream, I desperately wanted to see them, to be around the insanity that was my family's way of showing how much they cared. I secretly hoped she might be in town, too. I wasn't even sure what I might say to her if I saw her, but I yearned to see her in the flesh. Hear her breathy voice, her lightening laughter. I might not get this chance again for a long time. I had to finally make the effort. I had to face a piece of my past, come to terms and move on.

"Edward, good, you're here. They have the booth all set up. It's yours for the rest of the day. These are the songs we've decided on. This one will be the single, the one that will be all over every radio station. Do this one first. The rest will be for your debut CD. Felix is working on the break out tour. It's just a matter of semantics now, Edward. Soon, your name will be the name every able bodied woman out there will be sighing."

I chuckled as Aro walked out of the room, still talking away. He was a great guy, occasionally a little intimidating, but I had learned quickly that that was just him, his way of coping and dealing with the stress of his profession and the jerks and pompous assholes he sometimes, more often than not, had to deal with.

Ten hours, I had spent the last ten hours singing the same songs over and over and over again, until my throat felt raw and my ears were ringing, and my own voice sounded nothing like the one I was used to hearing. My fingers hurt from strumming my guitar and the nail on my middle finger had actually snapped back and was now bleeding as I tore it from my finger. I was done. This day was finally over. I now had the weekend off. I didn't have to be back at the studio until Tuesday at ten. A four day weekend could do me some good. I still had to talk to Sal, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that conversation yet.

**~∞Ѿ∞~  
**

Numb. That's what I was. Numb. Today was supposed to be the beginning of the rest of my life, when my dreams came true. I was set to go into Aro Records and start recording my very first single, today. At ten o'clock, all my hard work, all the calluses, all the ridicule, all the practice, frustration and sacrifice was all finally going to be worth it.

My mind was whirling, thoughts scattered and pulsing through my brain, unable to penetrate the numb. Aro Records was now a pile of ash, the whole tower was, both of them, in fact. I was just about to leave for my recording session when Sal called me, cursing and crazed and barely intelligible. Someone had driven two planes into The World Trade Center, hundreds were presumed dead. My phone had been ringing off the hook since eleven this morning, but I couldn't shake the numb enough to move. It was probably my mother freaking out and just wanting to make sure I was okay. I held my knees tightly to my chest, rocking back and forth with tears streaming down my face at the thought of my mom, of other people's moms; the ones that had lost their moms today because of senseless violence, and I just knew there was no way I could stay away now. I was going to go home for the holidays. I was going to hug my mom and tell her I love her and appreciate her and need her. I would make sure she knew how much she meant to me, while I still could.

**~∞Ѿ∞~  
**December 23 2001

I growled in annoyance. I had been sitting in this airport for just over an hour now. Dad was late. No surprise there. He probably got caught up at work, or maybe he had forgotten to come get me altogether.

The plane ride was memorable. With my hit single being released just in time for the holiday rush at the malls, my face was now all over the place. A little boy on the plane had bombarded me with questions and bright awed looks as he pleaded for an autograph. It blew my mind. I was far from famous, just an up- and-comer, but this boy made me feel like I was Johnny fucking Cash. It was enthralling. It had taken my mind off of what I was doing and where I was going and _who_ might be there. My parents had this huge get together every year. Almost everyone in Forks went to it, even people we barely knew. It drove Dad nuts, but he smiled and played the doting husband and perfect father because it made her happy, not to mention, she would never forgive him if he missed even a single minute of it.

This year was no different. When I had told my mom I was coming home for the holidays, she had actually dropped the phone. Emmett said she actually did a freaky, happy dance all over the kitchen. Knowing that I was making her so happy made it all worthwhile. No matter what happened at the party, my mom was worth it.

"Sorry, sorry. Dude, I would have been here in time, but there was this girl, on the highway. Her car broke down, and man, she was fucking smokin'. She was wearing the tightest pair of jeans. Gah, I had to stop."

I rolled my eyes. "I thought Dad was picking me up?"

"Yeah, but he had to go into work. You know Dad, work always comes first. Anyways, let's hit the road." Emmett grabbed one of my bags and I the other. We drove home without speaking, but the music blared loudly, some station that played hip-hop. My brain hurt just from listening to that shit, but watching Emmett's head bob back and forth and listening to him hum in time with the music, yeah, I kind of knew he wouldn't let me change it. So, I just leaned back, sighed and closed my eyes.

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

"Oh, my baby boy. Look at you. You've changed so much." I roughly swallowed a ball of guilt as tears of joy skidded down my mother's face. Her eyes were bright and her smile warming to the heart, but as her small, thin hands came up to press against my cheeks, I could see the slight tremble and feel the nerves rolling off of her. My own mother was nervous to see me. Man, I felt like such a tool. I was so selfish and worried about how I would deal with my own demons that I never once considered the strain and pain I was placing on the ones who did love me.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I promise to visit as much as possible. And you are always welcome to come and stay with me in New York. I am moving in the new year, to a much bigger place. I'll have plenty of room for sleepovers and morning breakfasts. I'd really like it if you'd come. I love you, Ma."

My own eyes glistened as she fell into my arms, then, sobbing and sniffling and pulling back every so often to smile up at me or rub my cheeks.

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

My mother's annual party went off without a hitch. Alice came and brought Jasper with her. Rosalie and Emmett were there, completely consumed in each other, so, not really there, but there.

My father played his part perfectly, his smile never wavering, but his eyes betraying his boredom, at least to those who knew him well enough. Old friends from school came, and it seemed our whole gang was once again in the same place, all except Bella. I desperately wanted to ask where she was and why she wasn't there, but I didn't. I figured sooner or later someone would mention something, but if they did, it must have been while I was off refilling my drink. Alice was rather surprised to see me back in town, and if I wasn't mistaken, rather nervous and jumpy around me, as well. It was strangely odd, even for her, and I found myself drinking alone in the corner most of the night and watching her, trying to figure out what was off, what had her so alert and cautious.

By the end of the night, I still had not figured out what was up with Alice. I did, however, drink twice my weight's worth in tequila, and had barely been able to stumble up the stairs to my old room. My father had given me that look, the one he always saves for when he is disappointed in me beyond words, and while shaking his head, ascended the stairs without another glance back in my direction. I snorted at his pretentiousness, like he was any better than me. He might not fuck shit up as much as I did, but the shit he did fuck up would affect him for life, like the nonexistent relationships he had with his children for starters.

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

Christmas was a rather quiet affair for the most part. My mother steeling wary glances at my father, my brother sighing in annoyance as his eyes darted between me and my father. And then there was me, oblivious to it all, because for the past three days, I had been nothing but a walking, mumbling hangover and still slightly drunk observer. I said nothing to anyone, except my mom, and every time I opened my mouth to say anything to her, it involved a lot of slurring and mushy, 'you're the best mom in the world' shit. I couldn't help it. The horror that I had witnessed back in New York still held me tightly in its painful grasp. Images of people crying on their knees, clawing at the ash-covered earth in anguish plagued me, as memories of mangled, bloody bodies of young women and businessmen left me sleeping against the cool bowl in the bathroom. And if that specific horror wasn't enough, Alice just had to come over Christmas day, and my mom just had to mention the fact that Alice and Jasper were getting married in the spring. The news had pierced right through a part of me I didn't know I possessed, and when I tripped out and broke one or two Christmas decorations, whipping them possibly in direction of Alice and Jasper, all hell had broke loose. Jasper had retrained me, and even left a blow to my cheek bone as a Christmas gift, yelling at me that I could have hurt Alice. Didn't he realize Alice had already hurt me? Didn't that matter at all? I didn't see everyone yelling at her, hitting her because he had hurt me. No, apparently I was the bad guy.

With a swollen, shadowed cheek and my pride somewhere near the bottom of my stomach, I packed up my bags, stumbled down the stairs, a half empty bottle of Jack still in my hand, and walked out of the house. I did stop momentarily to kiss my mom on the crown of her head and tell her she was the best mom ever and that she deserved better, and I did glare at a sobbing Alice and a shaking Jasper. I shook my head at Emmett and Rosalie, who were both shockingly quiet, so very unlike either of them, but not a single one of them had the nerve to come after me. I staggered and weaved precariously on my feet as I made my way into town. It was a long-ass walk, and a cold one at that, but I made it; and when I did, I promptly tossed my now empty bottle into a nearby trashcan and stared blearily at the very small digits on my cell phone as I called for a taxi to take me one step closer to home.

**~∞Ѿ∞~  
**

New Years Eve 2001

It was less than a week after I had returned from Forks. As soon as the stores opened the following day I had called my phone company and promptly changed my cell phone number and had my house number cancelled and reassigned at my soon to be new residence with a new number.

I had nothing to say to any of them. Daily, I would email my mom. I didn't have much to say, but I didn't want even a single day to go by without her realizing that even though I was hurt and mad and felt betrayed, I still loved her and she would always mean the world to me. It was easier this way. I had a contract at home waiting to be signed; and once I did sign it, come February first, I would be going on tour. It was a five year contract, of which three of those years would be spent on the road. I would go all over the United States, and if I got lucky and my music travelled far enough, we would look into a small tour in Canada and the UK, as well. I was going to be busy, busy moving on with my own life, and, for once, not worrying about what everyone else thought. It was finally all about just me, and I was happy with it that way. I still loved my brother and mom, and maybe even my dad a bit, it was just a time in my life where I needed to realize it was just that, my life. I was ready to grow up and get on with it.

"Dude, stop sitting there looking like someone pissed in your drink. Look at all the hot ass out there. Come on, get up, and let's go get us some." It had been years since I had seen Jacob and Seth, but those two never would change, it was still all about the music and pussy; they'd make for good roadies, and I briefly considered asking them to come along with me, maybe I could renegotiate my contract and have them as back up. I wondered if they'd be up for something like that? I'd have to ask them in the morning. Coyote Ugly, one hour before the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, was definitely not the place to have that kind of discussion.

I shook my head and gulped back my current drink, motioning towards the bar, "Na, dude, you go ahead. I'm just going to go grab another drink. If I don't see you guys back at my place tonight, remember to be back at my apartment before noon. We have a lot of shit to move, and I don't want to spend all day waiting for your drunken asses." Jacob snorted, "No worries, man. We're here for another month, you can't lose us that easily." And with that he was off, chasing after some hourglass blond that had just sashayed her way by us.

I ordered up my next drink and was just about to walk away from the crowded counter when a tall blond grabbed hold of the white microphone sitting on the counter. "Alright, boys and girls, this is it, the last song by our very own coyotes, so give it up for Dallas, Barbie, Texan and ForkedUp." Then that annoying song Lady Marmalade came blaring out of the hanging speakers, and the lady stomping began yet again. This time, though, a new girl was up there, and as the half-dressed girls swayed their hips, stomped their feet, and shook their money-makers, my eyes connected with a pair that had haunted me for years now.

**E/N**

**3 more chapters to go, dearies, and that's it.**

**Reviews will be replied to in the form of a teaser.**

**Any guesses on whose eyes Edward is gazing into? **

**My one shot has been submitted for The Fnadoms Fight Domestic Violence. For the month of February you can donate to this amazing cause and in return, you will recieve a compilation of over a hundred one shots from some amazingly generous authors. Link is on my profile.**

**_Here is a teaser for mine:_**

**_"You're my daddy, aren't you?" I gasped and clutched at my mouth, watching the exchange before me._**

**_Edward's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. My attention was momentarily drawn to a tall red-headed woman standing in the doorway. She smiled at me and nodded before backing out of the room and closing the door softly behind her. I assumed she was the social worker who had watched over Sarabella the last two days._**

**_I returned my gaze to Edward as Sarabella's hand slipped out of mine, and she took a couple steps towards him. I could see the wheels churning in his eyes. He was putting together all the pieces, and as tears slipped past his overflowing rims, I knew he finally understood._**

**_"Yes, yes I am." All three of us wept equally and openly as daughter and father met for the first time, and a family, once broken and lost, was now happy and smiling and reunited._**

**_"Never again will I leave you." Edward whispered in my hair as he pulled me into their embrace._**

**_"Never again will I let you, my love. Never again."_**

**The title, big surprise, is Never Again.**

**Also- the countdown to Vday has started, if you've yet to check it out, go now, my one shot is the first one up- I'd love to hear ur thoughts.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer - ****Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Plagiarism is theft. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted.**

**This story is the sole property of Breath-of-twilight. It may not be copied, published or posted elsewhere without my express written consent, which I do not give at this time.**

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

_Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. ~ Cyril Connolly_

**A/N**

**Surprisingly, some of you don't want to see this happen, and I am sorry to disappoint, but this is a B x E fic, and for once, at least with my writing, there will be a happy ending. Just a lot of stubbornness and stupidity along the way.**

**Please try to enjoy, and be gentle with me.**

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

**New Year's Eve 2001**

**TSV- Chapter 13**

**BPOV**

I could feel him, that humming current flowing through the room, before my eyes met his, all intense and shocked and wide and electric-green. I watched him long enough to see his lips fall open in a small O and his eyes harden in what I could only assume was anger or hate, and I couldn't stand it any longer. I tore my eyes from his and finished up the song. My feet hurt from tending the bar all night and my arms and shoulders were all knotted up from bringing up restock from the storage cellar around back; I was in no mood to deal with tall, dark and superior tonight. This was my last song before I was to serve at the bar until the midnight rush calmed, and then I was free to go, to return to campus and spend yet another night with the eyes I adored so much penetrating my very soul in my dreams and shaking me to the core, leaving me a sobbing mess when the sunlight hit, come morning.

My heart pounded furiously in my chest as I gyrated my hips, dropped, popped and smacked Jessie's ass in front of me. I knew it wasn't the best job, but I had a lot of expenses to pay for with school and even though I'd put my résumé out practically everywhere within a short distance to the school; this was the only place I got an interview for. At first, I was embarrassed, ashamed and sickeningly shy and uncomfortable; but then, I learned it was just like the dancing my friends and I would do on a dance floor at a club. Only difference being, here, while working, I was on a bar counter where the whole room was sure to see me.

I had worked here now for just over a year. The girls were great friends, my boss was the shit, and the customers, for the most part, were all respectful and tipped well. My savings account was in the double digits, and my schooling was almost completely paid for. I had my own apartment, no longer feeling the desire to torture myself with dorm rooms and skanky roommates. I had completed my first year of university pretty much unscathed, but the first half of my second year turned out to be much worse. Half-assed friends started to pair off; guys were relentless in asking me out, and when turned down, they apparently immediately assumed it had something to do with my sexuality. I didn't care what they though, though. At least I didn't think I did, until one of them had happened into my bar and seen me on stage with another girl all up on my junk. That had solidified it in everyone's minds. I must be a closet lesbian. My roommate started getting all twiggy and changing in the bathroom, always sure the door was closed. When she stopped bringing her female friends over, I had had it. I had started looking for my own place that very day after I, of course, told her what I thought of her judgmental ways and that even if I were a lesbian, her and her skanky friends with their fake tits would do nothing for me.

Of course, I wasn't a lesbian. They couldn't be any further from the truth, but them thinking that was better than having to divulge the real truth. The one about _him_.

When he first left, I was too busy blaming him for being clueless and a selfish jerk, but as the days wore on and my heart ached and my mind opened, I realized the cold, hard truth. Most of our problems hadn't even been because of him. He was always friendly and touchy and attentive. He just couldn't read minds. Which is what Alice and Rose had somehow convinced me he should be able to do. I never should have set my expectations so high. I didn't need to. My own, my real, expectations were met well over par in him; I just couldn't see that clearly, too lost in a dreamed up male character that knew exactly what a girl was feeling and wanting and needing without having to be told. And like the young, stupid girl that I was, I thought the best way to get back at him was to date the school jerk. I was wrong. I always was. And every single day I lived, with every breath I took, I paid for those mistakes, those lessons learned, with a sliver of my heart breaking off in the cruelest of ways. I deserved the pain, but I had learned from it, as well. I was no longer the young, naïve eighteen year old girl he left behind for bigger and better things; I was now a smart and well rounded woman. I held a job and kept grades that exceeded even my own expectations, but I was only half of a whole. There would never be another to fill the gapping chasm in my chest. It was and always would be him.

His gazed felt like it was burning into me. Goosebumps pebbled across my flesh, and my heart beat to a painful, erratic rhythm. He was here. Angry or not, he was here, in my bar, looking as beautiful as ever. All fire and anger and lust burning in his bright green eyes, and I have never wanted anything more than I did right in that moment. I just wanted to feel his strong, warm arms around me, encased in his scent and his comfort. I almost bolted towards him, lost in my thoughts and my love, but then I heard a sharp hiss of air, and knew instantly it was from him. He didn't want me. I had to remember that.

Dejected, and with reopened wounds spilling over with renewed pain, I finished my dance and made a beeline for the back door, calling back that I was sick and couldn't finish up at the bar.

Parking in New York was shit. So I never bothered with a car. It made no sense. Instead, I walked wherever I could and took the train or a taxi anywhere else. I only lived five blocks from work. So, with tears threatening to spill over and my work outfit still on, changing into normal clothes forgotten in my haste to escape, I made my way, in frantic desperation, home.

The cool night air licked at my flesh, causing my teeth to chatter and my breath to hitch. It was painful, but I welcomed the pain. I need it. Physical pain was far easier than the emotional pain oiling over within me.

I ignored the catcalls and whistles as I passed by a huddled group of unsavory looking men and quickened my pace. I waved, only slightly, as I passed by the old Asian woman that worked at the convenience store a few doors down from my apartment. She was always nice to me, always smiling and always friendly.

Liquid heartache slipped past my clenched brims as my steps faltered at my front door, keys in hands, shaking, useless, trying futilely to place the key in the blurred lock.

Warm, wet heat tricked down my face as I swiped at the hindering blur in my eyes, and finally the key pressed in, turned, and I was one step closer to my place of comfort, of sanity. It all made better sense when I was in my own surroundings. I was as close to him as I ever would be there. I sprung forward, towards the elevators, not paying attention to whether the front door clicked locked behind me, never noticing the hooded man who had slipped in behind me. Not until I reached the tenth floor and let out a whoosh of relieved breath that I had been holding the short ride up. The doors dinged open, and I tried to blindly fumble towards my door, only two doors down, my hands dragging along the hall walls, feeling the indentations to know which door I was at when my vision obscured from salty sorrow. I counted the ridges, had done this before, was a master at it by now. One, two, three…seven ridges, then my neighbors door. One, two three….seven ridges, then my…a warm body, an intake of breath, electric pain shooting up my arm. I collapsed onto the floor then, sure I had lost my mind, was finally descending into the darkness that had threatened, leered at me, for so long. I gave up; I had no more fight within me. Seeing him in the flesh, real and alive, and so close, too close, had cracked apart my armor, precariously put on, a useless attempt at keeping it all out, or maybe in. And now, it was all searing its way through me, burning, painful, fresh.

**K, I lied. There will be three more chapters after this one. I'm pretty sure :-P**

**Review, please.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Ann did not pick through this one. She is away- having herself some cross country loving, but I am thinking of her, and wishing her tons of happiness as I post this.**

**Disclaimer - ****Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Plagiarism is theft. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted.**

**This story is the sole property of Breath-of-twilight. It may not be copied, published or posted elsewhere without my express written consent, which I do not give at this time.**

**Ѿ**

**Many thanks to Jen for reading this over and giving me her input on dialogue and such. I'm sure it seriously hurt her to read something so fluffy. Snort***

_Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. ~ Cyril Connolly_

**TSV Chapter 14**

**January 1****st**** 2002**

When I saw her, Bella, up on that bar, my veins pulsed with rapidly burning anger. How could she lower herself to such a thing? She was still beautiful, even more so that I remembered. Her body had filled out, curves now replaced bone, and her once small breasts were now very ample and alluring. Not a single man in that place failed to notice this, as well. I watched as men who were three sheets to the wind grappled at her ankles and hooted and hollered vulgarity that made me see red. That was Bella up there, my Bella; how dare they talk to her like that?

Just when I thought I could take anymore, when my temper had flared beyond reasoning, and my vision was blurring, she looked at me, right into me; her sparkling chocolate melting into my blazing green and slightly bloodshot. My throat constricted when I saw the pain in her eyes, clear as day and almost palpable. She turned away from me all too soon, her eyes glistening, and I lost it. I never wanted to be denied that simple glimpse into her soul again, ever.

I realized in that moment something I should have known all along; I was only half of myself without Bella. She completed me, grounded me, filled me with emotions I lacked in the absence of her presence; compassion and longing.

I needed her. I had been wrong all those years ago, not fighting for her, letting her slip away so easily. I had to try to fix it, beg, plead, bargain. I would do anything to make her see; see everything that had taken me far too long to accept.

A smile tugged at my tightly mashed lips at the thought of finally having her in my arms again. I raised my eyes once again to meet hers, to smile up at her and hope to convey with the connection we always seemed to have just by looking into each other's eyes, that she still was and always had been my everything; but she was gone. The bar was now just a bar, with buzzing bartenders in barely there clothing and demanding customers sneaking glances down tight shirts that were dipped too low. My eyes darted around, frantically, desperately, until I caught a blurred bit of her long mahogany hair slipping through a door towards the rear of the building.

I jumped from my spot, not even bothering to tell my friends I was leaving, and darted out the front door. It was a hell of a sprint to get around back, but I made it to the dank, dirty alley in no time, my feet propelling me forward at a speed that could rival that of my pounding heart beat. There was no way I missed her. I couldn't have, so I waited, lighting a cigarette and losing myself in thoughts of her as all around me people could be heard cheering, ringing in the New Year; her smell, her touch, the way she felt with me buried deep inside of her.

The back door smacking into the back of my head jarred me from my thoughts. My vision darkened, my head throbbed, and my mind began numbing, until I heard a small whimper. It tore at my very being to hear it; I knew it was her. She was in pain, and I needed to hold her, to be there for her, finally. I darted after her, down the long alley; she was fast, I'd give her that. I had barely caught up to her as she turned to enter a building. I bent at the knees, panting for much needed air, and watched her duck inside.

I bolted forward to reach the door before it clicked shut, locking me out and away from what I desperately needed. The elevator doors had just closed, blocking her from my view and glaring green flashed the number ten, beckoning me, taunting me. I had to get to her. My fingers twitched, aching to feel her, to comfort her, to brush her hair out of her face and tell her everything was going to be okay. I flew up the stairs, my feet thumping loudly on the hard, concrete steps as my arms whisked back and forth at my sides, that magnetic pull guiding me, pulling me. I reached the tenth floor and swung the heavy metal door open. I could instantly feel her, that electric humming, that intense need to be closer, yet never close enough, and then she was there, before me. I could see her slumped form, her feet barely dragging her slim body along as her fingers skimmed the walls lightly. She seemed to be counting as she gasped for breaths and sobbed hysterically. I moved toward her, not even realizing I was moving so quickly, urgently, until she slammed right into me. Pain laced my body at her simple touch, so foreign yet so familiar and welcomed, needed. Nothing had ever felt so right as when I caught her just as she slumped to the floor, lifeless in my arms with tears still pouring out from her closed eyes. My whole body hummed with pain, seeing her like this, so broken, so lost, but the feeling, her warmth against mine, flowing against each other, joining, heating up, was just too right, even if it hurt so bad. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her face so I blindly reached for the keys she had just dropped. When I felt them between my fingers, I picked them up with a shaky hand and tried one after another until the door she was in front of jarred open. I sighed in relief, relived that I had not just tried to get into someone else's place, and hoisted Bella up in my arms and carried her into her apartment.

I couldn't find a light switch, and the blackened room rendered me blind with just a beam of the light shining in the large windowed wall from the night sky to guide me. I stumbled a bit, almost falling with the unconscious precious beauty in my arms. When I finally felt what I knew must be the couch, I lowered Bella's slight form onto it and cradled her head into my lap. She was breathing, so I wasn't really worried. She just looked worn out, exhausted. She probably was. If she felt anything close to what I felt seeing her, she was likely emotionally drained. I let my fingers ghost along her smooth, flawless skin, so soft beneath my touch. Tears stain tracks shone on her cheeks where the bright beam of the moon shone onto her. She looked angelic; she was beautiful. She looked too thin. This observation led me to worry about her. Was she eating okay? What was she doing in New York? And working one step below a stripper? Was she healthy? Did she take care of herself? I ran my free hand through my hair, back to front, and then dragged it down my forehead, stopping at the bridge of my nose and pinching down. My head was throbbing; a huge lump had risen and was protruding at the back of my skull. I moved my hand to touch it and hissed when a sharp sting shot through me. I could feel a small cut below the hardened blood caked into my hair, but I couldn't care less in that moment. She was here, I was there; we were both together, in the same room, even if she didn't know it.

She sighed softly and curled her hands beneath her head and softly mumbled my name. I swear I felt my heart grow two sizes just from that, my name falling from her swollen lips; it was heavenly, more than I likely deserved. I closed my eyes and clamped down the emotion that was barging its way up my chest. Tonight, I was just going to allow myself to bask in her presence. Tomorrow, I would grovel. I would make her see. She had to. I had never been so sure that we were meant to be than I was now. It was right. It always had been. I just needed the chance to show her, and I would. If it took every last day of my life, I would show her exactly what she meant to me and how sorry I was for not realizing it sooner.

I drifted off to the soft wispy snores coming from Bella and dreamed about a better tomorrow, one that would start the beginning of a whole new life for me. One with her, always, forever!

**Ѿ**

The sound of water running jostled me from my sleep. It took me a moment to remember where I was and how I got there. When I did, I bolted upright, panic coursing through me. I hadn't meant to fall asleep. I wanted to be awake before Bella, to have a chance to explain, make her see what I now saw. Now, I had no clue what I should expect. Would she be happy to see me? She didn't look very happy last night. I groaned and placed my head in my hands, wincing at the pressure my fingers applied to the back of my skull.

"Here, I thought you might need this." I jumped, startled, enchanted. Her voice was melodically soothing, so sweet, so soft, soft comforting. She sounded wary, her words slightly shaky. I hated that she felt that way around me, nervous. We should never have made it here. There should not have been a reason to be, but there was, and I had to fix it, somehow.

I couldn't look at her, not yet. I had to apologize first, plead my case, before I deserved that right. But I wanted to. Oh, did I ever want to lose myself in those compassionate pools of glimmering hope. "Bella..."

"Don't..." she interrupted me, "I have some things I need to get off my chest, and since I have never been given the opportunity until now, I would appreciate if you would just listen. Then, you can have your say."

I nodded, unable to deny her anything. My breathing hitched; my heart sped up, and it felt like I was about to vomit. In fact, I worried I might actually do just that. I was a nervous wreck. I knew she was about to call me on my shit, and I couldn't argue any of it. I had been foolish, a coward. I had taken the easy way out and walked away, leaving behind the most precious thing I had ever had the privilege to have.

I mentally began preparing myself for her rejection, for her anger, for her pain..."I'm sorry, Edward. I never should have acted so immature, let Rose and Alice reduce me to a whiny, expectant, over demanding girlfriend, and I certainly never should have used James to goad you. I don't know what I was thinking, but I do know I have spent every single day since regretting it. My pried stopped me from running after you, begging you to come back, but my heart always remained true to you."

_Say what?_ My head jerked up, my eyes searching out hers. A single tear glistened at the corner of her left eye, filling and plumping until it began its decent, sliding down her blotchy cheek and pooling along her lip line.

Guilt chewed at me, tore me from the inside; and within seconds, I had her in my arms, cradling her head in my hands and looking deeply into her shining eyes. She smiled. I smiled, and then a deep, gut-wrenching sob burst from my mouth. Finally, she was in my arms, willingly, and she just told me she still loved me. My chest swelled with love as tears fell from my eyes in torrents. My whole body trembled with overwhelming emotion. I knew I was acting like a girl; I just didn't care. This was everything I ever wanted, and so much fucking more. My Bella still loved me.

"Oh, love, you have no idea how happy you have just made me. When I saw you at that club, you took my breath away, literally. It was like a massive gust of fresh air whooshed into me, stilting my breathing, blocking my airways, and when it finally passed through, affording me a breath, all I could smell was you. I was consumed entirely by you. I have missed you more than I could ever tell you, and I still love you, too. I always have. I was such a fool, such a childish fool. I should have fought harder to keep you, fought with you if need be, and most of all, for you. I really let myself believe you were happy without me, that you forgot about what we had, what we shared, or that maybe I had thought it so much more than you had. I'm so sorry, Bella. Can you ever forgive me? Let me back into your life... your heart?"

Bella's lips where on mine before I even knew what was happening, warm and soft and frantic. It felt right. It felt like Bella, but more, so much more; and I loved it. Her lips moulded to mine, and her tongue swiped across them. I pressed my own into her mouth and lost myself in the sense and feel and taste of all that was Bella.

When we finally pulled apart, gasping, panting, smiling, I looked around the small living room as I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly to my chest.

"I've missed you so much, Edward. We've lost out on so much time, so many memories."

I sighed deeply, squeezing her tighter. "I know, love. I know, but we have plenty of time to make up for that, build new memories, start a new path, learn from our mistakes. The future is looking pretty fucking amazing to me right about now."

Bella smirked up at me, her eyes shining brightly. "I think you're right. It feels really amazing, too."

I smiled into her hair as my eyes scanned the expanse of the area, just then falling on something I never thought I'd lay eyes on again. My heart skipped a little, and excitement welled inside of me. I squealed, pretty fucking girlie-like, but of course, I would never admit that; and I was ashamed to say I slightly pushed Bella away as I lunged towards the corner of the room.

"It can't be," I gasped, my hand just barely ghosting over her sweet form. "How? I mean, this isn't possible." I gaped openly, practically drooling, as my eyes feasted on her long neck, her tight pegs, and her sleek body. I felt Bella's heat enveloping me as she edged closer to me, bending down to my level and wrapping her arm around my shoulders. "I saw it in a pawnshop window. I couldn't believe my eyes at first. I really thought I was going crazy, conjuring up things. When I saw it, I just knew it had been yours, and I had to have it. I wanted to have such a huge piece of who you were. To me, that guitar was a piece of you. I couldn't live with myself if I had walked away and not taken it with me"

"I didn't get rid of her. I couldn't, ever. When I first came to New York, someone stole her. I never thought I'd be able to touch her again, run my fingers down her frets. I'm so fucking happy right now. Thank you for being so wonderful. I love you so much."

I held my long lost baby in my one hand and my long lost love in the other; and for the first time in a very long time, everything felt right, my heart and mind perfectly aligned with the other, completely happy and finally whole.

**Ѿ**

**I was right the first time around. The next chapter will be the last chapter, finally.**

**So, with this coming to a close, I would like to beseech you all, all who review religiously and all who have never once before, take the time to leave your thoughts, tell me you were here, before this is done. I would love to hear from each and every one of you. Tell me if there is anything you'd like to see happen as the prologue merges into the ending.**

**Also, in case you do not have me on author alert, I have posted a few new fics and one-shots on my profile. Check them out if you would. I'd love your opinions and thoughts :-)**

**I almost forgot, but I need to thank Eternally Addicted for prowling the internet with me and helping me pick out some sweet-ass sightseeing spots for Edward to take everyone when they came to visit him a couple chapters back.**

**PPS- if anyone still hasn't pieced together why Edward was so upset with Alice, well, she was in New York to see him not too long before he went home and he overheard her and Jasper talking about hiding something from him. Finding out the way he did about them getting married felt like a blow to the gut and he felt betrayed. Just wanted to clear that up for you all, since it will kind of be left hanging. But just so y'all know, Alice was trying to keep him in the dark so she could lure him last minute, claim a lost invitation or some shit, and have him finally come face to face with Bella. No need now, though :-P**


	15. Chapter 15

**These last two chapters are not looked over by anyone but my over-worked and stressed out self. If anything is missed, it is mine.**

**Disclaimer - ****Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Plagiarism is theft. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted.**

**This story is the sole property of Breath-of-twilight. It may not be copied, published or posted elsewhere without my express written consent, which I do not give at this time.**

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

_Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. ~ Cyril Connolly_

**April 2011**

"Are you nervous about going back for the reunion?" my amazing girlfriend asked as she tossed item after item from the closet, grumbling about not having anything to wear to the reunion.

It had been ten years since we had graduated from Forks High and were sent off into the great unknown to find ourselves. I had gotten into Julliard, a renowned music school, and couldn't be happier. Moving that far away from the ghosts of high school past worked perfectly for me. Well… until I opened my clouded eyes and _really_ saw, _her_.

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

BPOV

Dear Alice,

I was so excited when I received your letter. You are all too right. It has been way too long since we have last had the whole gang together, in one place. Edward is nervous, as can be expected, but he is determined to finally let go of the past. I think he may have even forgiven you, maybe. Jasper called and spoke with him the other day, tried to better explain your way of thinking. What you had hoped to accomplish all those years ago. I think Edward understand now. He does, however, still feel a little betrayed. He is right. I told you this back then, and I will tell you it again, sneaking around trying to mess with people's destinies can only lead to one outcome, pain. He and I are of the few lucky ones; that is for sure. We may have lost out on a couple of our younger years together, but I believe because of our separation, we are both stronger, better for each other. No matter how bad it hurt at the time, the outcome was better than I ever could have hoped.

So, you booked the Forks motel? That seems out of character for you. Will Edward's parents not be upset that we are not staying with them? They have seen so little of Edward since he started his first tour. But, on the other hand, I am sure they won't want us all there, drinking and going all crazy in their home. We can always still visit.

I can't believe they are letting Lauren attend, but I guess she is an adult now, and hopefully a smarter one, too. Wait until Edward hears about her attendance. That should put him through the roof. He is so on edge already. He is up to something, Alice, and I just can't figure out what it is. He tells me it is nothing, but I know Edward, and I know he has something up his sleeve. I'd bet Emmett and him are in cahoots for some stupid reunion prank; it would seem right up their alley.

Anyways, I have to finish packing. Edward is pacing a hole into the floor, here, and I know he is worried we will miss our flight. We have two stop over's between here and Forks, and he is of course worrying senselessly about losing luggage along the way.

Oh wait, did I mention that Edward has talked of possibly moving back closer to home. He loves it here in Nashville. So do I, but the city life is a little too much for us both, especially now that we have talked about possibly starting a family.*squeeee* Yep, you read that right. After all these years, we are finally going to settle down. Edward's contract is up in three months, and he has refused to sign another. He is not opposed to still recording from time to time, and his composing is a hot commodity in the music industry, but he wants to finally stay at home, just the two of us, and hopefully soon enough, we will have a mini prodigy to keep us occupied.

See you in three days,

Bella

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

**EPOV**

I paced the room as my nerves flared up. We wouldn't be in Forks for another three days but already my palms were sweaty and my heartbeat frantic. Emmett and I had a plan. He had called me and told me a few days ago that Lauren Mallory would be at the reunion. I was surprised, at first, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. She may have been booted out of school, but somehow she had managed to graduate with our class. Her being there was no more a bending of the rules than my being there. Technically, I didn't graduate with my class, at all. I had left a year early and finished at Julliard. My mother termed it best. I was rich and famous now, a namesake to that small, dead-end town, and their local claim to fame. Of course they would want me there.

I finally zipped up the last of our luggage and looked around the room that we had shared for years now. Everything was in its place, each and every piece holding a small tidbit of a memory of our time together. This was our home, our life. When Bella had first brought up possibly moving somewhere smaller, I had been reluctant, worried that somehow we would lose whatever it was that made us work together so well, a piece of our life, if we left the place we had made ours. Now, I knew better. Our home was not the house we lived it; it was what we brought to it, who lived within the walls. Bella made any place home, and if moving someplace smaller was what she truly wanted, I would happily oblige. So, the other day, as I lay with her in my arms, rubbing the smooth skin of her flat belly, I pictured another life for us; one with kids and a swing set and toys littering the floor, and it finally clicked for me. A smaller town made sense in the grand scheme of things. I loved Nashville, but it was no place to raise a family in, and I wanted a family with Bella, soon. But first I had to make her my wife.

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

As I climbed that stage, looking out over the massive crowd of people I had grown up with, the ones who ridiculed me, laughed at me, and then the ones who had made life in this podunk town tolerable, fun even, I realized, I had no regrets, just a small amount of resentment which I vowed to let go of as soon as I finished up here at the reunion.

I grabbed hold of the mic and cleared my throat, the crowd instantly silencing.

"I initially wrote this song for a girl who acted as if I was nothing. Now, this song means so much more to me. It's about letting go of the past and realizing everything, no matter how small or inconsequential, nor how large in the grand scheme of life it may be, impacts us all in some way, and ultimately makes us who we are now.

As I plucked at my guitar, I closed my eyes and poured it all out, knowing she was there to hear it and knowing in a backwards kind of way this was my confessional and my release, all in one. I strutted across that stage with my head held high and my voice being heard by them all, knowing through it all, the good, the bad, the downright ugly, and the hard as hell shit, I was absolutely content with how it all had turned out.

_I was always the crazy one  
I broke into the stadium  
And I wrote your number on the 50 yard line  
You were always the perfect one  
And the valedictorian so  
Under your number I wrote "call for a good time"_

I only wanted to catch your attention  
But you overlooked me somehow  
Besides you had too many boyfriends to mention  
And I played my guitar too loud.

How do you like me now?  
How do you like me now,  
Now that I'm on my way?  
Do you still think I'm crazy  
Standin here today?  
I couldn't make you love me  
But I always dreamed about living in your radio  
How do you like me now?

When I took off to Tennessee  
I heard that you made fun of me  
Never imagined I'd make it this far  
Then you married into money girl  
Aint it a cruel and funny world?  
He took your dreams and tore them apart.

He never comes home  
And you're always alone  
And your kids hear you cryin down the hall  
Alarm clock starts ringin  
Who could that be singin  
Its me baby, with your wakeup call!

How do you like me now?  
How do you like me now,  
Now that I'm on my way?  
Do you still think I'm crazy  
Standin here today?  
I couldn't make you love me  
But I always dreamed about living in your radio  
How do you like me now?

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

**One more chapter to go. It is done. I am posting it now. No waiting. I owe you gals that much :-)**

**Please review. They make me smile, and smiling is the easiest way to make a soul shine.**

**Song in this chapter is not mine. Not even a little bit. It is "How Do You Like Me Now, By Toby Keith. And I love it!**

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**xx**


	16. Chapter 16

**These last two chapters are not looked over by anyone but my over-worked and stressed out self. If anything is missed, it is mine.**

**Disclaimer - ****Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Plagiarism is theft. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted.**

**This story is the sole property of Breath-of-twilight. It may not be copied, published or posted elsewhere without my express written consent, which I do not give at this time.**

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

_Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. ~ Cyril Connolly_

**April 2011**

**Same day.**

**A few minutes later.**

I saw her out there, in the crowd, glaring at me. Her hands were on her hips, her lips twisted in a scowl. She had apparently gotten smarter over the years. It didn't take her half as long as I had thought it would for her to know this was all about her, for me, but about her.

This was me sticking it to her, immaturely I might add, but necessary. It had been a long time coming, really; and I realized as the song came to a close that I was only too happy to finally let it all go. Let bygones be bygones and all that shit.

I only half listened as the principal, the same shithead who had once made my life seem like a living hell, chattered on animatedly about fame and doing what your heart tells you and never giving up. He was full of shit. He knew it. I knew it. Hell, every student here probably knew it. He had never been, nor was he now, a pusher of dreams. He was more a dream squanderer, preferring to drill in realities and idealisms. Which in retrospect, if I were being completely honest, was exactly what his job entailed him to do. I couldn't fault him for it. Maybe I did when I was younger, but not now that I knew just what it was he had hoped for us all. Just for us to obtain what so many teenagers these days so stupidly threw away- a simple high school diploma.

As the crowd began to die down, I realized I had gotten lost in my thoughts, and noticed that everyone was watching me. Emmett was off to the side of the stage, just to my left, jerking his head about and hissing at me. It was time, time to let go of this life and begin a new one.

I nodded and slowly made my way over to Emmett, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans as I went.

"You okay, man?" Emmett placed his hand on my shoulder, offering comfort in the form of a painful squeeze. I grimaced.

"Dude, when will you ever realize your own strength?"

He guffawed loudly, his whole body shaking with his cackles. "Probably never. Probably never."

His free hand latched onto mine, handing over the small case, before he smiled and pat my shoulder one more time.

"Good luck, Bro. I'm so happy for you."

He darted away to join the others. I knew he just wanted a front row seat to see her reaction. It was comical, really, but it was so Emmett.

I said a few 'thank yous' and told the town of Forks about how my dreams had all came true, all but one. One that I wanted to make a reality at this moment, with them as my witnesses, the people who had been there since the beginning of it all.

Soft murmurs swept through the massive crowd as they all tried to figure out what I was talking about. I just kept going though. I couldn't lose my nerve, not now. It was too perfect to pass up, this opportunity, the timing, the people, the place. It all fit. Perfect.

"I wrote this for the most amazing girl ever. She owns my heart, my soul, and my mind. Bella, you make everyday bright and worthwhile, even when the sun is not shining and the sky booms thunderous roars and cracks with lightning, threatening to pour its gloom on the world. It shines brightly in my eyes just because you are there."

I looked her right in the eyes. Even across the crowd, I could see the slight glimmer of tears pooling along her rims. She was so beautiful, so real, so mine. My heart clenched tightly in my chest. It felt great, and I sang. I sang words that had more meaning than anything I had ever written before, and I hoped she could understand as I poured my heart out in words sung with all my emotions and being in them. Because as soon as the lyrics would end, I would ask, and I prayed that she knew me well enough by my words to know before I asked that it was coming. And she would. I think. She knew me that well.

_If I had my way,  
I'd spend every day right by your side  
And if I could stop time,  
Believe me I'd try for you and I  
And each moment you're gone,  
Is a moment too long in my life  
So stay right here, right now_

'Cause without you I'm a disaster  
(the moment you go)  
And you're my ever after  
(Just thought you should know)  
'Cause I need to know your answer  
(Just say you'll stay with me)  
I want you to say you're gonna stay with me  
(Just say you'll stay with me)  
I die every day that you're away from me

If the world ceased to spin,  
You could start it again with just one smile  
If the seas turn to sand  
With the wave of your hand it would rain for miles  
But the thought of you gone,  
Makes everything wrong in my life  
So stay right here, right now  


_'Cause without you I'm a disaster  
(the moment you go)  
And you're my ever after  
(Just thought you should know)  
'Cause I need to know your answer  
(Just say you'll stay with me)  
I want you to say you're gonna stay with me  
(Just say you'll stay with me)  
I die every day that you're away from me_

My heart breaks with every beat,  
I can't explain what you do to me  
So just say you'll promise me,  
Please, take me if you ever leave  
But the thought of you gone  
Makes everything wrong in my life  
So stay right here, right now

'Cause without you I'm a disaster  
(the moment you go)  
And you're my ever after  
(Just thought you should know)  
'Cause I need to know your answer  
(Just say you'll stay with me)  
I want you to say you're gonna stay with me  
(Just say you'll stay with me)  
I die every day that you're away from me

Applause and catcalls belted out, but I shushed them with my hands and continued on. I wasn't here for their approval or praise. I just needed to make this town have memories that meant something real, and I would.

"Bella, my love, we have been through so much over the years. Through it all, one thing has remained constant for me. Even when I was mad or confused or sad or just being a stupid boy, I always knew I loved you, and I still do, more than ever. My love for you seems to strengthen as each day passes, and I find something new to adore and treasure about you and with you. Now that we are finally back in this town where we were both born and raised, where our paths first crossed and we began our friendship, it seems most appropriate to be in this place where it all began to ask you to start a new chapter with me, a new life. Bella, would you do me the greatest pleasure by agreeing to be my wife?"

I could hear collective gasps, people talking, my name being said, hers, ours; but all I could concentrate on was Bella, staring at me wide-eyed, tears streaming down her face, chin trembling, and the largest, brightest smile I had ever seen gracing her lips. Her head bobbed only once before I was jumping off of the stage and sprinting towards her, desperate to have her in my arms, to put my ring on her, to start our life together once again.

This time as husband and wife.

**The End**

**~∞Ѿ∞~**

**Please review. They make me smile, and smiling is the easiest way to make a soul shine.**

**I know it has taken me forever to get through this one. I am so sorry for the wait, especially because I know some of you have followed this story to a fault. I love you for it, for all the support and kind words of encouragement. I hope the ending wasn't too disappointing.**

**Thanks for sticking it out with me.**

**I love you all.**

**~~Kelli~~~AKA- Breath-of-twilight~~~**

**Song in this chapter is not mine. Not even a little bit. It was "Without You, by My Darkest Days."**


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